This past weekend Jimm and I started packing. Like, for real packing. We went through closets, took down pictures, cleaned behind/under/around things.
Part of my job was to go through the kids clothes. Jimm.....bless his heart (I'm not from the south, but I heard that you can make anything sound nice by adding "bless his heart") has no clue what size the kids are in, let alone what will fit them in a few months.
I sat on the floor sorting through the piles of clothes and I found myself experiencing little pangs of difficulty separating.
From clothing?
It's just an outfit. Material possession.
Right?
Yes, but it's the "You remember when......." that goes along with the article of clothing.
You might not associate a specific memory with one specific cute little outfit or shirt, but you remember their cute little chubby feet around the time that they would've worn that outfit.
You remember when they would still sit on your lap for more than one short minute cuddling with you.
You remember their smell.
You remember their first words, first steps, first time they reach out their arms to you......
I also realized that as I was letting the outfits go & as we were boxing things up to be passed down to friends, I was also letting go of having a newborn again.
Don't get me wrong. I am 100% sure that 2 kids is it. We're done.
But it's the realization that from now on, it's moving forward. Each new "first" will mean that they are one step closer to independence. To not needing me. Well, at least they think they won't need me :-)
Sigh.
I am also struggling a little bit with moving.
I have been living in our little place for 14 years. That's a long time. And although we are cramped and constantly on top of one another.....
It has been our home together as a family for almost 7 years. Jimm and I started out together as a couple and we became a family of four in our small tiny townhouse.
I won't miss the tight, cramped space. But I will miss the memories.
Just as it's not really the outfits that I will miss as they get packed away and passed on.
But I will miss what they represent; the "remember when......".
Monday, March 19, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
19 months, going on 3 years.
My little girl is a piece of work I tell you.
It's so difficult adjusting to a child who is racing through the developmental stages at the speed of light versus my preemie who took his own sweet time.
Ethan still wants me to help him get dressed at times (not because he can't do it himself, but because he is just plain lazy). And Reese literally throws a tantrum now if we just try to help her get her clothes on. Yep. She can get her pants on all by herself; just don't mention to her that they might be on backwards. She can get her top on but can't quite figure out how to get her arms in the holes without some assistance. And she tries so very hard to get her socks on by herself.
She throws a tantrum because she can't do it all by herself but when you try to help her she also throws a tantrum. Sigh.
Don't even try to help her brush her teeth.
Don't you dare stray from our bedtime or morning routines.
She is now saying 3 or 4 word sentences. Me. Brush. Teeth./ Me. Chocho (chocolate) dodo (donut).
Me. Baby. Go. Bye-Bye. Car.
She will let you know whether you asked or not exactly what you need when you are getting ready to depart from the Shepard household. Shoes. Hat. Coat. Gloves. Bag. Caucau (coffee). Keys.
She calls Ethan "E-E". Short and to the point. Grammy has recently become "Me-Me". I am definitely "Mommy" but our babysitter and my mom, Grandma, are both "Mama".
She calls herself "Rees-E" or "Piecy"...our fault because we call her Reesey Piecy. But she also now knows Shepard and says it almost perfectly.
She is starting to recognize her colors. Jimm was pulling out jammies the other night and she told him No. Pink. Daddy was evidently not choosing correctly.
We are on the verge of potty training. Yes, already. Can't believe it. Ethan was not ready until age 3 and if I would have started him before that it would have just been futile.
She is now not only telling us when she has pooped in her diaper but also when she has done #1. She woke up dry this morning and has also asked to go up and sit on the potty several times.
My goal, though, is to wait until we move into our new house *hopefully* soon. I figure if we start now and then move there might possibly be some regression not worth going through.........what do you mommies out there think?
She has a very bubbly and outgoing personality. She is almost never in a bad mood. When she gets hurt she cries and stops crying within a few seconds. She love music and dancing. She gets a kick out of gymnastics. She loves baby dolls but also loves to tackle her brother on the run. She wants to brush her hair and get ponytails in but the next thing you know she's pulling out the hair bands and knocking her brother upside his head. Such a tomboy.
She kind of reminds me of someone.................
It's so difficult adjusting to a child who is racing through the developmental stages at the speed of light versus my preemie who took his own sweet time.
Ethan still wants me to help him get dressed at times (not because he can't do it himself, but because he is just plain lazy). And Reese literally throws a tantrum now if we just try to help her get her clothes on. Yep. She can get her pants on all by herself; just don't mention to her that they might be on backwards. She can get her top on but can't quite figure out how to get her arms in the holes without some assistance. And she tries so very hard to get her socks on by herself.
She throws a tantrum because she can't do it all by herself but when you try to help her she also throws a tantrum. Sigh.
Don't even try to help her brush her teeth.
Don't you dare stray from our bedtime or morning routines.
She is now saying 3 or 4 word sentences. Me. Brush. Teeth./ Me. Chocho (chocolate) dodo (donut).
Me. Baby. Go. Bye-Bye. Car.
She will let you know whether you asked or not exactly what you need when you are getting ready to depart from the Shepard household. Shoes. Hat. Coat. Gloves. Bag. Caucau (coffee). Keys.
She calls Ethan "E-E". Short and to the point. Grammy has recently become "Me-Me". I am definitely "Mommy" but our babysitter and my mom, Grandma, are both "Mama".
She calls herself "Rees-E" or "Piecy"...our fault because we call her Reesey Piecy. But she also now knows Shepard and says it almost perfectly.
She is starting to recognize her colors. Jimm was pulling out jammies the other night and she told him No. Pink. Daddy was evidently not choosing correctly.
We are on the verge of potty training. Yes, already. Can't believe it. Ethan was not ready until age 3 and if I would have started him before that it would have just been futile.
She is now not only telling us when she has pooped in her diaper but also when she has done #1. She woke up dry this morning and has also asked to go up and sit on the potty several times.
My goal, though, is to wait until we move into our new house *hopefully* soon. I figure if we start now and then move there might possibly be some regression not worth going through.........what do you mommies out there think?
She has a very bubbly and outgoing personality. She is almost never in a bad mood. When she gets hurt she cries and stops crying within a few seconds. She love music and dancing. She gets a kick out of gymnastics. She loves baby dolls but also loves to tackle her brother on the run. She wants to brush her hair and get ponytails in but the next thing you know she's pulling out the hair bands and knocking her brother upside his head. Such a tomboy.
She kind of reminds me of someone.................
Friday, February 24, 2012
House Update
Too long to post on FaceBook as a status update and people have been inquiring as to what's going on with our house buying status.
So, in short we are still pursuing the house that we have a contract with. The original lender we went through had an appraisal completed that wound up being a lot less than what the contract was for. Therefore, we approached the seller about lowering the price on the house/contract but they said that they were standing firm. So, we said we would have to break the contract. 1) We're not going to buy the house for more than what it's worth. 2) No bank/lender is going to loan us the money for more than what the house is worth. Duh.
But when we said that we were going to walk, the seller had a change of heart within a day and said that they would pay for another appraisal if we would attempt to go through another lender.
Which is basically where we are currently at. Going through the process with another lender.
Here's where I know that God is always part of the plan. We started looking at other houses online again and found some that we were semi-interested in but there seemed to always be a "catch": taxes were higher, too far from our children's caregivers & family, not a great school system, no backyard, smaller square footage, etc.
And then I feel God placed this new mortgage broker into our lives. She is wonderful. Within 10 minutes of speaking with her I felt completely comfortable and she was giving us more options that would wind up working to our benefit by far. She was not just doing paperwork, she was working with us to help us figure out what our options were and how we could get the best deal. Within 45 minutes we had figured out a way to get a lower interest rate than before, and if all goes well we could possibly close by March 15th....all depending on this new appraisal and if the seller is willing to go down (if it's another low appraisal).
Oh, and we are officially, completely debt free. We paid off our car today!
And our plan is to pay off our new mortgage within 7-10 years. Think we're crazy? Look up Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace University. It. Can. Be. Done!
Live like no one else so you can live like no one else. Live like no one else so you can GIVE like no one else! Can I get an AMEN!?!?!??!
So, in short we are still pursuing the house that we have a contract with. The original lender we went through had an appraisal completed that wound up being a lot less than what the contract was for. Therefore, we approached the seller about lowering the price on the house/contract but they said that they were standing firm. So, we said we would have to break the contract. 1) We're not going to buy the house for more than what it's worth. 2) No bank/lender is going to loan us the money for more than what the house is worth. Duh.
But when we said that we were going to walk, the seller had a change of heart within a day and said that they would pay for another appraisal if we would attempt to go through another lender.
Which is basically where we are currently at. Going through the process with another lender.
Here's where I know that God is always part of the plan. We started looking at other houses online again and found some that we were semi-interested in but there seemed to always be a "catch": taxes were higher, too far from our children's caregivers & family, not a great school system, no backyard, smaller square footage, etc.
And then I feel God placed this new mortgage broker into our lives. She is wonderful. Within 10 minutes of speaking with her I felt completely comfortable and she was giving us more options that would wind up working to our benefit by far. She was not just doing paperwork, she was working with us to help us figure out what our options were and how we could get the best deal. Within 45 minutes we had figured out a way to get a lower interest rate than before, and if all goes well we could possibly close by March 15th....all depending on this new appraisal and if the seller is willing to go down (if it's another low appraisal).
Oh, and we are officially, completely debt free. We paid off our car today!
And our plan is to pay off our new mortgage within 7-10 years. Think we're crazy? Look up Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace University. It. Can. Be. Done!
Live like no one else so you can live like no one else. Live like no one else so you can GIVE like no one else! Can I get an AMEN!?!?!??!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Guilt of a Different Kind
I've posted before about struggling with mommy guilt when I think about fitting in exercise or going out with friends. That kick in the gut you feel when you're walking out the door and the not so faint cries of "mommy, mommy" are trailing behind you.......
But a new kind of guilt found it's way into my gut and my heart.... and took hold something fierce a little over a week ago and has continued just kind of sitting there festering......
I found myself in my mommy bubble when Reese was in the hospital. You know the bubble that exists when for you time stands still and you only think, eat, breathe, & pray for your little baby and you can't possibly wrap your head around the fact that for everyone else time is actually still moving forward? Yeah, that one.
I was existing and functioning on about 2-3 hours of sleep over 2 nights, coordinating schedules with friends & family to make sure that not only was someone with my baby every minute but that my older "baby" was also being taken care of, fed, dressed, loved on & maintaining some sort of schedule...as well as trying to remember to eat, have some small inkling or clue as to where my husband said he parked the car at the hospital and to politely yell at the hospital staff when my baby's fever kept going back up again and again.
And it was all done in a haze. A bubble. Time stood still. There was nothing else going on in the world except for what was happening in that hospital room.
And then Reese started getting better and the fog slowly started to clear. With the exception of a few minor complications, all was well.
But as the week wore on the burden that was lifted off of me came back forcefully onto my shoulders again. This time in the form of guilt.
Guilt that I have been blessed to actually be a mommy. Guilt that God blessed me with two amazing and beautiful children.
Because my friend Stacy was given the blessing of a child......only to lose her child a short 3 days later. That another friend has never been able to get pregnant, let alone experience being a mommy. That several other friends have experienced numerous miscarriages.......the pain that no one really talks about. That 3 blog friends have recently experienced the horrible, heart wrenching pain of losing an older child through medical conditions or tragedies.
I know that it is unreasonable of me to feel guilty about situations in which I had no control over.
But it also made me change perspective and view things differently.
Yes, we had a horrible scare with Reese but she is here. Alive and well. Maddeningly stubborn and full of mischief but she is doing fine. I have my baby in my arms to comfort and love on...to kiss her boo-boos and tell her how much she means to me.
But those other mommy's and should be mommy's......................oh how my heart breaks for them.
I just can't imagine the pain. Well, I can imagine some of it. I have suffered a miscarriage and it is a horrible unaddressed loss that makes you feel like an awful, unequipped woman & mother.
But those other losses? That pain must also be so horrible. To only be able to hold your baby for a few hours or days. To experience a tragic loss of an older child who has succumbed to illness or an unforeseen accident....it's unbearable to think about.
But I am going to think about it. I want to carry around that burden, that guilt. Because if it takes off even an ounce from their shoulders I will gladly do it. If it reminds me of what type of parent I should strive to be every day, I will carry that weight forever. I never want to take for granted that God has doubly blessed me with my children. It's my prayer that even in the midst of potty training & temper tantrums I can feel God applying the pressure of guilt down on my shoulders.........so that I may remember.
But a new kind of guilt found it's way into my gut and my heart.... and took hold something fierce a little over a week ago and has continued just kind of sitting there festering......
I found myself in my mommy bubble when Reese was in the hospital. You know the bubble that exists when for you time stands still and you only think, eat, breathe, & pray for your little baby and you can't possibly wrap your head around the fact that for everyone else time is actually still moving forward? Yeah, that one.
I was existing and functioning on about 2-3 hours of sleep over 2 nights, coordinating schedules with friends & family to make sure that not only was someone with my baby every minute but that my older "baby" was also being taken care of, fed, dressed, loved on & maintaining some sort of schedule...as well as trying to remember to eat, have some small inkling or clue as to where my husband said he parked the car at the hospital and to politely yell at the hospital staff when my baby's fever kept going back up again and again.
And it was all done in a haze. A bubble. Time stood still. There was nothing else going on in the world except for what was happening in that hospital room.
And then Reese started getting better and the fog slowly started to clear. With the exception of a few minor complications, all was well.
But as the week wore on the burden that was lifted off of me came back forcefully onto my shoulders again. This time in the form of guilt.
Guilt that I have been blessed to actually be a mommy. Guilt that God blessed me with two amazing and beautiful children.
Because my friend Stacy was given the blessing of a child......only to lose her child a short 3 days later. That another friend has never been able to get pregnant, let alone experience being a mommy. That several other friends have experienced numerous miscarriages.......the pain that no one really talks about. That 3 blog friends have recently experienced the horrible, heart wrenching pain of losing an older child through medical conditions or tragedies.
I know that it is unreasonable of me to feel guilty about situations in which I had no control over.
But it also made me change perspective and view things differently.
Yes, we had a horrible scare with Reese but she is here. Alive and well. Maddeningly stubborn and full of mischief but she is doing fine. I have my baby in my arms to comfort and love on...to kiss her boo-boos and tell her how much she means to me.
But those other mommy's and should be mommy's......................oh how my heart breaks for them.
I just can't imagine the pain. Well, I can imagine some of it. I have suffered a miscarriage and it is a horrible unaddressed loss that makes you feel like an awful, unequipped woman & mother.
But those other losses? That pain must also be so horrible. To only be able to hold your baby for a few hours or days. To experience a tragic loss of an older child who has succumbed to illness or an unforeseen accident....it's unbearable to think about.
But I am going to think about it. I want to carry around that burden, that guilt. Because if it takes off even an ounce from their shoulders I will gladly do it. If it reminds me of what type of parent I should strive to be every day, I will carry that weight forever. I never want to take for granted that God has doubly blessed me with my children. It's my prayer that even in the midst of potty training & temper tantrums I can feel God applying the pressure of guilt down on my shoulders.........so that I may remember.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Financially Speaking
Almost seven years ago a young, independent woman met a younger independent man and they fell in love. After these two combined their hearts and their homes they sat down one evening and realized that they were also combining a very large amount of credit card and student loan debt. So much so, that most consolidation companies that they called to consult with advised that they file bankruptcy. This wasn't an option that they really wanted to consider. And so this couple embarked on a 4 year journey of paying an enormous monthly payment so that they could get free from this debt.
In March of 2011 Jimm and I paid off an astonomical amount of credit card and student loan debt. We did not do it alone. We had to borrow money from both sets of our parents at times and were given financial assistance from my aunt as well, especially when medical bills started flooding in after my cancer diagnosis. It. was. not. easy. We fought. We cried. We went every month wondering if we would be able to pay our bills or be able to go get the groceries we needed. We had a huge jar of change downstairs that had started to accumulate over the months and in one act of desperation we took that change into the grocery store and got bills in order to get $40 worth of groceries. We stole from our kids' piggy banks on more than one occasion (sorry God. You know that I've already confessed for this) and went without new underwear or socks for many years. We packed on some (ok a lot) of extra pounds because face it, eating healthy is more expensive. We didn't get out very much and I could probably name the movies we've seen in the theatre on one hand since we started paying off our debt.
But it was worth every painful, wanna scratch your eyes out moment.
Because now, except for a monthly carrying charge for our co-op and 1 car payment we are debt free. It is freeing, exhilerating, peaceful & exciting. We have been able to buy new underwear without worrying about paying a $25 fee for insufficient funds. We have been able to take our parents out to dinner as a thank you for all they have done for us and not have to worry about our ability to pay the electric bill. We have been able to go on an actual date downtown for our anniversary and not have to worry about it breaking us.
And now we are starting to look for our first real house as a family. Yes, we technically own our co-op (or townhouse for those that aren't familiar with a co-op), but it's so dang small. 2 bedrooms (the kids share the master bedroom and we took the smaller one), 1 bathroom (which is ridiculous when you've got a kid that waits too long to pee!), no garage, no driveway, 1 parking space for 2 cars, the tiniest little kitchen you could imagine with no cabinet or counter space as well as patches of grass that they call a yard.
The market is great right now as well as interest rates.
But we want to do this right. We don't want to buy a house and gain a mortgage only to go into debt again. We do not own credit cards. I had one left after our fiasco of financial horrors....Kohl's. I was determined to let Jimm allow me to keep it because "I get such GREAT deals there, honey!". After sitting down with me and reasonably reminding me that they weren't great deals on a 19% interest rate credit card if we couldn't pay it off right away....as well as ahem the fact that we actually already had the money in the bank, he asked why not just pay cash/debit?
So, I responsibly cut up my very last credit card I owned. And the Kohl's angels sent me another one in the mail the VERY next day....they must have known what happened and corrected my silly mistake!!!! :-)
No, it was just time for a new one. SIGH. It, too, was cut up and thrown away.
Again, we want to go into this house buying business with the best possible scenario. So, we've signed up for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University classes. Granted, he would probably tell us NOT to buy a house right now if we can't pay cash for it or put at least 20% down and try to pay it off within 7 years....but hey. We're READY to learn, ready to open our eyes, minds and hearts to being financially secure and continue down our debt free path.
Did you know that 70% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck? We did. But no longer.....
Not only will we be budgeting on a monthly basis, we will also be talking about insurance, emergency funds, saving for our kids/retirement and investments (among other things....it's a 13 week series!).
If I could go back and talk to 22 year old me, fresh out of college- I would adamantly tell her to NOT apply for any credit cards. It's NOT free money and you lose count on how many times you hand it over to the Target checkout guy to be swiped. I would tell her that having that first apartment is great, but you don't need it. You should stick it out and hang out with mom and dad a little while longer while you save some money. I would remind her that the trip to the Bahamas, Europe & the Caribbean sound awesome and are life changing experiences.....but they can wait another 5-10 years. I would tell her that those new clothes look really cute, but the old ones really haven't gone out of style...just yet.
A weight has been lifted off of our shoulders by being debt-free. Are we rich? Heck no. My husband is self-employed and I'm a social worker. Puh-lease. Our combined salary doesn't hold even a spark compared to some people. But we're comfortable.
Finally. And it feels wonderful.
In March of 2011 Jimm and I paid off an astonomical amount of credit card and student loan debt. We did not do it alone. We had to borrow money from both sets of our parents at times and were given financial assistance from my aunt as well, especially when medical bills started flooding in after my cancer diagnosis. It. was. not. easy. We fought. We cried. We went every month wondering if we would be able to pay our bills or be able to go get the groceries we needed. We had a huge jar of change downstairs that had started to accumulate over the months and in one act of desperation we took that change into the grocery store and got bills in order to get $40 worth of groceries. We stole from our kids' piggy banks on more than one occasion (sorry God. You know that I've already confessed for this) and went without new underwear or socks for many years. We packed on some (ok a lot) of extra pounds because face it, eating healthy is more expensive. We didn't get out very much and I could probably name the movies we've seen in the theatre on one hand since we started paying off our debt.
But it was worth every painful, wanna scratch your eyes out moment.
Because now, except for a monthly carrying charge for our co-op and 1 car payment we are debt free. It is freeing, exhilerating, peaceful & exciting. We have been able to buy new underwear without worrying about paying a $25 fee for insufficient funds. We have been able to take our parents out to dinner as a thank you for all they have done for us and not have to worry about our ability to pay the electric bill. We have been able to go on an actual date downtown for our anniversary and not have to worry about it breaking us.
And now we are starting to look for our first real house as a family. Yes, we technically own our co-op (or townhouse for those that aren't familiar with a co-op), but it's so dang small. 2 bedrooms (the kids share the master bedroom and we took the smaller one), 1 bathroom (which is ridiculous when you've got a kid that waits too long to pee!), no garage, no driveway, 1 parking space for 2 cars, the tiniest little kitchen you could imagine with no cabinet or counter space as well as patches of grass that they call a yard.
The market is great right now as well as interest rates.
But we want to do this right. We don't want to buy a house and gain a mortgage only to go into debt again. We do not own credit cards. I had one left after our fiasco of financial horrors....Kohl's. I was determined to let Jimm allow me to keep it because "I get such GREAT deals there, honey!". After sitting down with me and reasonably reminding me that they weren't great deals on a 19% interest rate credit card if we couldn't pay it off right away....as well as ahem the fact that we actually already had the money in the bank, he asked why not just pay cash/debit?
So, I responsibly cut up my very last credit card I owned. And the Kohl's angels sent me another one in the mail the VERY next day....they must have known what happened and corrected my silly mistake!!!! :-)
No, it was just time for a new one. SIGH. It, too, was cut up and thrown away.
Again, we want to go into this house buying business with the best possible scenario. So, we've signed up for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University classes. Granted, he would probably tell us NOT to buy a house right now if we can't pay cash for it or put at least 20% down and try to pay it off within 7 years....but hey. We're READY to learn, ready to open our eyes, minds and hearts to being financially secure and continue down our debt free path.
Did you know that 70% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck? We did. But no longer.....
Not only will we be budgeting on a monthly basis, we will also be talking about insurance, emergency funds, saving for our kids/retirement and investments (among other things....it's a 13 week series!).
If I could go back and talk to 22 year old me, fresh out of college- I would adamantly tell her to NOT apply for any credit cards. It's NOT free money and you lose count on how many times you hand it over to the Target checkout guy to be swiped. I would tell her that having that first apartment is great, but you don't need it. You should stick it out and hang out with mom and dad a little while longer while you save some money. I would remind her that the trip to the Bahamas, Europe & the Caribbean sound awesome and are life changing experiences.....but they can wait another 5-10 years. I would tell her that those new clothes look really cute, but the old ones really haven't gone out of style...just yet.
A weight has been lifted off of our shoulders by being debt-free. Are we rich? Heck no. My husband is self-employed and I'm a social worker. Puh-lease. Our combined salary doesn't hold even a spark compared to some people. But we're comfortable.
Finally. And it feels wonderful.
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Fine Line
As I sit here about to blog about the subject that I have decided to blog about today I realize that these blog posts about parenting will only get more difficult as my children get older and as I become more challenged to be the best mother that I can be.
Now that was a mouthful.
I imagine that every other parent out there has struggled with the fine line of how much to meddle, control or be involved in our children's lives. Our job as a parent is to model, teach, support and encourage our children but as they cross those imaginary lines through each developmental stage they become more independent, form their own opinions and start to develop their own amazing personalities.
So, I am already struggling with enrolling my children into classes, sports, activities and other interests.
Don't get me wrong I will NOT be one of those freakish mothers that catapults my child into the hellish nightmare of pageants such as the awful Toddlers and Tiaras! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it. Yack.
But I do want to provide my children with opportunities and experiences so that they will be able to decide for themselves what they would like to pursue.
So, how do you balance that fine line between pushing your own agenda, dreams or ideas versus providing them with opportunities to explore, experience and connect?
Ethan participated in soccer this past fall. Er- ran around the field with the other 4-6 year olds after a ball, lazily attempting goals, but mainly staring off into space or picking grass while attempting to impress one another with who could make the goofiest faces.
Oh, and then he went to one Little Ninja's class with his friend Graham (who was enrolled and could bring a friend to his last class). Jimm took him and he told me that Ethan sat and cried the whole time, wouldn't participate and later told me that "the class was for mean and angry people who liked to punch and kick".
So, I'm already leaning toward a less aggressive sport for my little boy. Whatcha think, on the right track for him? :-)
I just signed Reese up for "Tot-Nastics" which is gymnastics for 18-36 month olds. So cute.
But here's where the questions start coming in. My parents started me with piano lessons when I was in first grade. I liked playing the piano but HATED to practice. But, they would have me sit and practice for at least 20-30 minutes per day. As time went on, they weren't as strict with making me practice and it would show when I went to my next lesson. The teacher eventually asked me if I wanted to continue or not. I realized that it was something that I wanted to do, so I started practicing again.
That went on for years and I even have a minor in music from undergrad. I appreciate that my parents gave me the opportunity and gently pushed me toward my goals. But I am also grateful that they didn't mandate that I play the piano or make it into something that I dreaded.
How do I do that for my kids? Because it seems like you have to find the right fit. My parents also provided me with tennis lessons. I was good, but not great. I wound up playing on intramural teams just like I did volleyball but I never played on any organized teams in school. I have always been good, not great at many different things. I can hold my own throwing a football, playing pool, darts, basketball, softball, volleyball and tennis. I can harmonize on a song fairly well and can still probably dink out a few arias on the piano.
But overall, I never really found my niche or God-given talent until I became a social worker. I was born to do this job. But it took me 22 years to get there.
So I guess I have answered my own question regarding fine lines.
Provide the opportunities.
Be supportive.
Encourage.
Laugh and Cry.
Celebrate victories and empathize with challenges.
Don't push, instead gently nudge.
Explore.
Assist, don't do for them.
Just be their mom.
Now that was a mouthful.
I imagine that every other parent out there has struggled with the fine line of how much to meddle, control or be involved in our children's lives. Our job as a parent is to model, teach, support and encourage our children but as they cross those imaginary lines through each developmental stage they become more independent, form their own opinions and start to develop their own amazing personalities.
So, I am already struggling with enrolling my children into classes, sports, activities and other interests.
Don't get me wrong I will NOT be one of those freakish mothers that catapults my child into the hellish nightmare of pageants such as the awful Toddlers and Tiaras! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it. Yack.
But I do want to provide my children with opportunities and experiences so that they will be able to decide for themselves what they would like to pursue.
So, how do you balance that fine line between pushing your own agenda, dreams or ideas versus providing them with opportunities to explore, experience and connect?
Ethan participated in soccer this past fall. Er- ran around the field with the other 4-6 year olds after a ball, lazily attempting goals, but mainly staring off into space or picking grass while attempting to impress one another with who could make the goofiest faces.
Oh, and then he went to one Little Ninja's class with his friend Graham (who was enrolled and could bring a friend to his last class). Jimm took him and he told me that Ethan sat and cried the whole time, wouldn't participate and later told me that "the class was for mean and angry people who liked to punch and kick".
So, I'm already leaning toward a less aggressive sport for my little boy. Whatcha think, on the right track for him? :-)
I just signed Reese up for "Tot-Nastics" which is gymnastics for 18-36 month olds. So cute.
But here's where the questions start coming in. My parents started me with piano lessons when I was in first grade. I liked playing the piano but HATED to practice. But, they would have me sit and practice for at least 20-30 minutes per day. As time went on, they weren't as strict with making me practice and it would show when I went to my next lesson. The teacher eventually asked me if I wanted to continue or not. I realized that it was something that I wanted to do, so I started practicing again.
That went on for years and I even have a minor in music from undergrad. I appreciate that my parents gave me the opportunity and gently pushed me toward my goals. But I am also grateful that they didn't mandate that I play the piano or make it into something that I dreaded.
How do I do that for my kids? Because it seems like you have to find the right fit. My parents also provided me with tennis lessons. I was good, but not great. I wound up playing on intramural teams just like I did volleyball but I never played on any organized teams in school. I have always been good, not great at many different things. I can hold my own throwing a football, playing pool, darts, basketball, softball, volleyball and tennis. I can harmonize on a song fairly well and can still probably dink out a few arias on the piano.
But overall, I never really found my niche or God-given talent until I became a social worker. I was born to do this job. But it took me 22 years to get there.
So I guess I have answered my own question regarding fine lines.
Provide the opportunities.
Be supportive.
Encourage.
Laugh and Cry.
Celebrate victories and empathize with challenges.
Don't push, instead gently nudge.
Explore.
Assist, don't do for them.
Just be their mom.
Monday, January 2, 2012
2011 Year in Review
2011 was a pretty darn good year for the Shepard family.
In January I started my current job that I am grateful to still be able to call my "dream job" exactly one year later. God was at work when I took the phone call from my supervisor describing the position that they were creating at Sunny Ridge and how they were hoping I would feel led to come on board. I have loved every minute of creating and developing new programs for adoptive families that will support them throughout the years and not just when their new family is initially formed.
At the beginning of the year we also started attending a small group affiliated with our church that has led us to be able to form some great friendships that continue to grow. We feel fortunate to have such great friends in our lives who are not only fun to hang around but also lift us up in prayer when we need it (and even when we think we don't!).
Jimm's company grew; physically and monetarily (thanks goodness!). Their new company is Fidei Group, Inc. where Jimm is partners with our good friends Tom and Steve. They have even hired a full time employee and are now looking for an office manager as well :-) It's awesome to see my husband be so proud of the work that they have accomplished together.
WE GOT OUT OF DEBT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I'm excited about that? When Jimm and I got married we sat down and looked at how much debt both of us had accrued while we were single. And I cried. We consulted several companies and were pretty much told that we should file bankruptcy. That wasn't an option for us. And I am glad that we now have the peace and pride of paying off our credit card debt & student loans. We couldn't have done it without the help of our parents who were there for us when sometimes the monthly bills were just too much (especially when dealing with medical payments for cancer treatments, baby hospital bills....and when I lost my job).
Ethan turned 4 and Reese turned 1. I am SO incredibly blessed to be a mommy to these two amazing kids.
Jimm and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on September 9th. We went downtown for dinner and saw a Second City comedy show. It was awesome to stay out late without having to worry about getting home to the kids and what time we would need to get up in the morning (our parents watched the kiddos). We have been through quite a bit in our 6 short years as a married couple, but God has given us the strength, courage, love and support that we so desperately needed and now I can say we are in a really good place.
We started looking into the possibility of moving into a new home and we are pre-certified for a mortgage (which I can tell you is a huge accomplishment considering where we were 5 years ago!). We are in a good place to be able to do this now and the housing market is still great in regards to buying! We are planning to look west of where we are now...better school systems, shortened commute for me, closer to friends of ours and big, older houses for cheap! :-)
I continue to get monitored every 4 months by my oncologist. I went in at the beginning of December and everything looks good. I have a mammogram scheduled for early January and will have to continue with typical check-ups. In May of 2012 I will have the 5 year anniversary of my diagnosis. It's a pretty big milestone/anniversary in the world of cancer. Most recurrences occur in the first 5 years after diagnosis/treatment. Not holding my breath or anything.
We spent a wonderful time with our family and friends this Christmas. We truly are blessed and we continue to pray for those friends and family members in our lives that received bad news about their health or circumstances this past year. We also celebrate with friends who will be (or hope to be) expanding their families this year through birth and adoption!
Here's to a wonderful 2012!
In January I started my current job that I am grateful to still be able to call my "dream job" exactly one year later. God was at work when I took the phone call from my supervisor describing the position that they were creating at Sunny Ridge and how they were hoping I would feel led to come on board. I have loved every minute of creating and developing new programs for adoptive families that will support them throughout the years and not just when their new family is initially formed.
At the beginning of the year we also started attending a small group affiliated with our church that has led us to be able to form some great friendships that continue to grow. We feel fortunate to have such great friends in our lives who are not only fun to hang around but also lift us up in prayer when we need it (and even when we think we don't!).
Jimm's company grew; physically and monetarily (thanks goodness!). Their new company is Fidei Group, Inc. where Jimm is partners with our good friends Tom and Steve. They have even hired a full time employee and are now looking for an office manager as well :-) It's awesome to see my husband be so proud of the work that they have accomplished together.
WE GOT OUT OF DEBT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I'm excited about that? When Jimm and I got married we sat down and looked at how much debt both of us had accrued while we were single. And I cried. We consulted several companies and were pretty much told that we should file bankruptcy. That wasn't an option for us. And I am glad that we now have the peace and pride of paying off our credit card debt & student loans. We couldn't have done it without the help of our parents who were there for us when sometimes the monthly bills were just too much (especially when dealing with medical payments for cancer treatments, baby hospital bills....and when I lost my job).
Ethan turned 4 and Reese turned 1. I am SO incredibly blessed to be a mommy to these two amazing kids.
Jimm and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on September 9th. We went downtown for dinner and saw a Second City comedy show. It was awesome to stay out late without having to worry about getting home to the kids and what time we would need to get up in the morning (our parents watched the kiddos). We have been through quite a bit in our 6 short years as a married couple, but God has given us the strength, courage, love and support that we so desperately needed and now I can say we are in a really good place.
We started looking into the possibility of moving into a new home and we are pre-certified for a mortgage (which I can tell you is a huge accomplishment considering where we were 5 years ago!). We are in a good place to be able to do this now and the housing market is still great in regards to buying! We are planning to look west of where we are now...better school systems, shortened commute for me, closer to friends of ours and big, older houses for cheap! :-)
I continue to get monitored every 4 months by my oncologist. I went in at the beginning of December and everything looks good. I have a mammogram scheduled for early January and will have to continue with typical check-ups. In May of 2012 I will have the 5 year anniversary of my diagnosis. It's a pretty big milestone/anniversary in the world of cancer. Most recurrences occur in the first 5 years after diagnosis/treatment. Not holding my breath or anything.
We spent a wonderful time with our family and friends this Christmas. We truly are blessed and we continue to pray for those friends and family members in our lives that received bad news about their health or circumstances this past year. We also celebrate with friends who will be (or hope to be) expanding their families this year through birth and adoption!
Here's to a wonderful 2012!
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