The Fine Line

As I sit here about to blog about the subject that I have decided to blog about today I realize that these blog posts about parenting will only get more difficult as my children get older and as I become more challenged to be the best mother that I can be.

Now that was a mouthful.

I imagine that every other parent out there has struggled with the fine line of how much to meddle, control or be involved in our children's lives.  Our job as a parent is to model, teach, support and encourage our children but as they cross those imaginary lines through each developmental stage they become more independent, form their own opinions and start to develop their own amazing personalities.

So, I am already struggling with enrolling my children into classes, sports, activities and other interests.

Don't get me wrong I will NOT be one of those freakish mothers that catapults my child into the hellish nightmare of pageants such as the awful Toddlers and Tiaras!  I think I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it.  Yack.

But I do want to provide my children with opportunities and experiences so that they will be able to decide for themselves what they would like to pursue.

So, how do you balance that fine line between pushing your own agenda, dreams or ideas versus providing them with opportunities to explore, experience and connect?

Ethan participated in soccer this past fall.  Er- ran around the field with the other 4-6 year olds after a ball, lazily attempting goals, but mainly staring off into space or picking grass while attempting to impress one another with who could make the goofiest faces. 

Oh, and then he went to one Little Ninja's class with his friend Graham (who was enrolled and could bring a friend to his last class).  Jimm took him and he told me that Ethan sat and cried the whole time, wouldn't participate and later told me that "the class was for mean and angry people who liked to punch and kick". 

So, I'm already leaning toward a less aggressive sport for my little boy.  Whatcha think, on the right track for him? :-)

I just signed Reese up for "Tot-Nastics" which is gymnastics for 18-36 month olds.  So cute.

But here's where the questions start coming in.  My parents started me with piano lessons when I was in first grade.  I liked playing the piano but HATED to practice.  But, they would have me sit and practice for at least 20-30 minutes per day.  As time went on, they weren't as strict with making me practice and it would show when I went to my next lesson.  The teacher eventually asked me if I wanted to continue or not.  I realized that it was something that I wanted to do, so I started practicing again. 

That went on for years and I even have a minor in music from undergrad.  I appreciate that my parents gave me the opportunity and gently pushed me toward my goals.  But I am also grateful that they didn't mandate that I play the piano or make it into something that I dreaded. 

How do I do that for my kids? Because it seems like you have to find the right fit.  My parents also provided me with tennis lessons.  I was good, but not great.  I wound up playing on intramural teams just like I did volleyball but I never played on any organized teams in school.  I have always been good, not great at many different things.  I can hold my own throwing a football, playing pool, darts, basketball, softball, volleyball and tennis.  I can harmonize on a song fairly well and can still probably dink out a few arias on the piano. 

But overall, I never really found my niche or God-given talent until I became a social worker.  I was born to do this job.  But it took me 22 years to get there. 

So I guess I have answered my own question regarding fine lines.

Provide the opportunities. 

Be supportive.

Encourage.

Laugh and Cry.

Celebrate victories and empathize with challenges.

Don't push, instead gently nudge.

Explore.

Assist, don't do for them.

Just be their mom.