Almost seven years ago a young, independent woman met a younger independent man and they fell in love. After these two combined their hearts and their homes they sat down one evening and realized that they were also combining a very large amount of credit card and student loan debt. So much so, that most consolidation companies that they called to consult with advised that they file bankruptcy. This wasn't an option that they really wanted to consider. And so this couple embarked on a 4 year journey of paying an enormous monthly payment so that they could get free from this debt.
In March of 2011 Jimm and I paid off an astonomical amount of credit card and student loan debt. We did not do it alone. We had to borrow money from both sets of our parents at times and were given financial assistance from my aunt as well, especially when medical bills started flooding in after my cancer diagnosis. It. was. not. easy. We fought. We cried. We went every month wondering if we would be able to pay our bills or be able to go get the groceries we needed. We had a huge jar of change downstairs that had started to accumulate over the months and in one act of desperation we took that change into the grocery store and got bills in order to get $40 worth of groceries. We stole from our kids' piggy banks on more than one occasion (sorry God. You know that I've already confessed for this) and went without new underwear or socks for many years. We packed on some (ok a lot) of extra pounds because face it, eating healthy is more expensive. We didn't get out very much and I could probably name the movies we've seen in the theatre on one hand since we started paying off our debt.
But it was worth every painful, wanna scratch your eyes out moment.
Because now, except for a monthly carrying charge for our co-op and 1 car payment we are debt free. It is freeing, exhilerating, peaceful & exciting. We have been able to buy new underwear without worrying about paying a $25 fee for insufficient funds. We have been able to take our parents out to dinner as a thank you for all they have done for us and not have to worry about our ability to pay the electric bill. We have been able to go on an actual date downtown for our anniversary and not have to worry about it breaking us.
And now we are starting to look for our first real house as a family. Yes, we technically own our co-op (or townhouse for those that aren't familiar with a co-op), but it's so dang small. 2 bedrooms (the kids share the master bedroom and we took the smaller one), 1 bathroom (which is ridiculous when you've got a kid that waits too long to pee!), no garage, no driveway, 1 parking space for 2 cars, the tiniest little kitchen you could imagine with no cabinet or counter space as well as patches of grass that they call a yard.
The market is great right now as well as interest rates.
But we want to do this right. We don't want to buy a house and gain a mortgage only to go into debt again. We do not own credit cards. I had one left after our fiasco of financial horrors....Kohl's. I was determined to let Jimm allow me to keep it because "I get such GREAT deals there, honey!". After sitting down with me and reasonably reminding me that they weren't great deals on a 19% interest rate credit card if we couldn't pay it off right away....as well as ahem the fact that we actually already had the money in the bank, he asked why not just pay cash/debit?
So, I responsibly cut up my very last credit card I owned. And the Kohl's angels sent me another one in the mail the VERY next day....they must have known what happened and corrected my silly mistake!!!! :-)
No, it was just time for a new one. SIGH. It, too, was cut up and thrown away.
Again, we want to go into this house buying business with the best possible scenario. So, we've signed up for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University classes. Granted, he would probably tell us NOT to buy a house right now if we can't pay cash for it or put at least 20% down and try to pay it off within 7 years....but hey. We're READY to learn, ready to open our eyes, minds and hearts to being financially secure and continue down our debt free path.
Did you know that 70% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck? We did. But no longer.....
Not only will we be budgeting on a monthly basis, we will also be talking about insurance, emergency funds, saving for our kids/retirement and investments (among other things....it's a 13 week series!).
If I could go back and talk to 22 year old me, fresh out of college- I would adamantly tell her to NOT apply for any credit cards. It's NOT free money and you lose count on how many times you hand it over to the Target checkout guy to be swiped. I would tell her that having that first apartment is great, but you don't need it. You should stick it out and hang out with mom and dad a little while longer while you save some money. I would remind her that the trip to the Bahamas, Europe & the Caribbean sound awesome and are life changing experiences.....but they can wait another 5-10 years. I would tell her that those new clothes look really cute, but the old ones really haven't gone out of style...just yet.
A weight has been lifted off of our shoulders by being debt-free. Are we rich? Heck no. My husband is self-employed and I'm a social worker. Puh-lease. Our combined salary doesn't hold even a spark compared to some people. But we're comfortable.
Finally. And it feels wonderful.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Fine Line
As I sit here about to blog about the subject that I have decided to blog about today I realize that these blog posts about parenting will only get more difficult as my children get older and as I become more challenged to be the best mother that I can be.
Now that was a mouthful.
I imagine that every other parent out there has struggled with the fine line of how much to meddle, control or be involved in our children's lives. Our job as a parent is to model, teach, support and encourage our children but as they cross those imaginary lines through each developmental stage they become more independent, form their own opinions and start to develop their own amazing personalities.
So, I am already struggling with enrolling my children into classes, sports, activities and other interests.
Don't get me wrong I will NOT be one of those freakish mothers that catapults my child into the hellish nightmare of pageants such as the awful Toddlers and Tiaras! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it. Yack.
But I do want to provide my children with opportunities and experiences so that they will be able to decide for themselves what they would like to pursue.
So, how do you balance that fine line between pushing your own agenda, dreams or ideas versus providing them with opportunities to explore, experience and connect?
Ethan participated in soccer this past fall. Er- ran around the field with the other 4-6 year olds after a ball, lazily attempting goals, but mainly staring off into space or picking grass while attempting to impress one another with who could make the goofiest faces.
Oh, and then he went to one Little Ninja's class with his friend Graham (who was enrolled and could bring a friend to his last class). Jimm took him and he told me that Ethan sat and cried the whole time, wouldn't participate and later told me that "the class was for mean and angry people who liked to punch and kick".
So, I'm already leaning toward a less aggressive sport for my little boy. Whatcha think, on the right track for him? :-)
I just signed Reese up for "Tot-Nastics" which is gymnastics for 18-36 month olds. So cute.
But here's where the questions start coming in. My parents started me with piano lessons when I was in first grade. I liked playing the piano but HATED to practice. But, they would have me sit and practice for at least 20-30 minutes per day. As time went on, they weren't as strict with making me practice and it would show when I went to my next lesson. The teacher eventually asked me if I wanted to continue or not. I realized that it was something that I wanted to do, so I started practicing again.
That went on for years and I even have a minor in music from undergrad. I appreciate that my parents gave me the opportunity and gently pushed me toward my goals. But I am also grateful that they didn't mandate that I play the piano or make it into something that I dreaded.
How do I do that for my kids? Because it seems like you have to find the right fit. My parents also provided me with tennis lessons. I was good, but not great. I wound up playing on intramural teams just like I did volleyball but I never played on any organized teams in school. I have always been good, not great at many different things. I can hold my own throwing a football, playing pool, darts, basketball, softball, volleyball and tennis. I can harmonize on a song fairly well and can still probably dink out a few arias on the piano.
But overall, I never really found my niche or God-given talent until I became a social worker. I was born to do this job. But it took me 22 years to get there.
So I guess I have answered my own question regarding fine lines.
Provide the opportunities.
Be supportive.
Encourage.
Laugh and Cry.
Celebrate victories and empathize with challenges.
Don't push, instead gently nudge.
Explore.
Assist, don't do for them.
Just be their mom.
Now that was a mouthful.
I imagine that every other parent out there has struggled with the fine line of how much to meddle, control or be involved in our children's lives. Our job as a parent is to model, teach, support and encourage our children but as they cross those imaginary lines through each developmental stage they become more independent, form their own opinions and start to develop their own amazing personalities.
So, I am already struggling with enrolling my children into classes, sports, activities and other interests.
Don't get me wrong I will NOT be one of those freakish mothers that catapults my child into the hellish nightmare of pageants such as the awful Toddlers and Tiaras! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it. Yack.
But I do want to provide my children with opportunities and experiences so that they will be able to decide for themselves what they would like to pursue.
So, how do you balance that fine line between pushing your own agenda, dreams or ideas versus providing them with opportunities to explore, experience and connect?
Ethan participated in soccer this past fall. Er- ran around the field with the other 4-6 year olds after a ball, lazily attempting goals, but mainly staring off into space or picking grass while attempting to impress one another with who could make the goofiest faces.
Oh, and then he went to one Little Ninja's class with his friend Graham (who was enrolled and could bring a friend to his last class). Jimm took him and he told me that Ethan sat and cried the whole time, wouldn't participate and later told me that "the class was for mean and angry people who liked to punch and kick".
So, I'm already leaning toward a less aggressive sport for my little boy. Whatcha think, on the right track for him? :-)
I just signed Reese up for "Tot-Nastics" which is gymnastics for 18-36 month olds. So cute.
But here's where the questions start coming in. My parents started me with piano lessons when I was in first grade. I liked playing the piano but HATED to practice. But, they would have me sit and practice for at least 20-30 minutes per day. As time went on, they weren't as strict with making me practice and it would show when I went to my next lesson. The teacher eventually asked me if I wanted to continue or not. I realized that it was something that I wanted to do, so I started practicing again.
That went on for years and I even have a minor in music from undergrad. I appreciate that my parents gave me the opportunity and gently pushed me toward my goals. But I am also grateful that they didn't mandate that I play the piano or make it into something that I dreaded.
How do I do that for my kids? Because it seems like you have to find the right fit. My parents also provided me with tennis lessons. I was good, but not great. I wound up playing on intramural teams just like I did volleyball but I never played on any organized teams in school. I have always been good, not great at many different things. I can hold my own throwing a football, playing pool, darts, basketball, softball, volleyball and tennis. I can harmonize on a song fairly well and can still probably dink out a few arias on the piano.
But overall, I never really found my niche or God-given talent until I became a social worker. I was born to do this job. But it took me 22 years to get there.
So I guess I have answered my own question regarding fine lines.
Provide the opportunities.
Be supportive.
Encourage.
Laugh and Cry.
Celebrate victories and empathize with challenges.
Don't push, instead gently nudge.
Explore.
Assist, don't do for them.
Just be their mom.
Monday, January 2, 2012
2011 Year in Review
2011 was a pretty darn good year for the Shepard family.
In January I started my current job that I am grateful to still be able to call my "dream job" exactly one year later. God was at work when I took the phone call from my supervisor describing the position that they were creating at Sunny Ridge and how they were hoping I would feel led to come on board. I have loved every minute of creating and developing new programs for adoptive families that will support them throughout the years and not just when their new family is initially formed.
At the beginning of the year we also started attending a small group affiliated with our church that has led us to be able to form some great friendships that continue to grow. We feel fortunate to have such great friends in our lives who are not only fun to hang around but also lift us up in prayer when we need it (and even when we think we don't!).
Jimm's company grew; physically and monetarily (thanks goodness!). Their new company is Fidei Group, Inc. where Jimm is partners with our good friends Tom and Steve. They have even hired a full time employee and are now looking for an office manager as well :-) It's awesome to see my husband be so proud of the work that they have accomplished together.
WE GOT OUT OF DEBT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I'm excited about that? When Jimm and I got married we sat down and looked at how much debt both of us had accrued while we were single. And I cried. We consulted several companies and were pretty much told that we should file bankruptcy. That wasn't an option for us. And I am glad that we now have the peace and pride of paying off our credit card debt & student loans. We couldn't have done it without the help of our parents who were there for us when sometimes the monthly bills were just too much (especially when dealing with medical payments for cancer treatments, baby hospital bills....and when I lost my job).
Ethan turned 4 and Reese turned 1. I am SO incredibly blessed to be a mommy to these two amazing kids.
Jimm and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on September 9th. We went downtown for dinner and saw a Second City comedy show. It was awesome to stay out late without having to worry about getting home to the kids and what time we would need to get up in the morning (our parents watched the kiddos). We have been through quite a bit in our 6 short years as a married couple, but God has given us the strength, courage, love and support that we so desperately needed and now I can say we are in a really good place.
We started looking into the possibility of moving into a new home and we are pre-certified for a mortgage (which I can tell you is a huge accomplishment considering where we were 5 years ago!). We are in a good place to be able to do this now and the housing market is still great in regards to buying! We are planning to look west of where we are now...better school systems, shortened commute for me, closer to friends of ours and big, older houses for cheap! :-)
I continue to get monitored every 4 months by my oncologist. I went in at the beginning of December and everything looks good. I have a mammogram scheduled for early January and will have to continue with typical check-ups. In May of 2012 I will have the 5 year anniversary of my diagnosis. It's a pretty big milestone/anniversary in the world of cancer. Most recurrences occur in the first 5 years after diagnosis/treatment. Not holding my breath or anything.
We spent a wonderful time with our family and friends this Christmas. We truly are blessed and we continue to pray for those friends and family members in our lives that received bad news about their health or circumstances this past year. We also celebrate with friends who will be (or hope to be) expanding their families this year through birth and adoption!
Here's to a wonderful 2012!
In January I started my current job that I am grateful to still be able to call my "dream job" exactly one year later. God was at work when I took the phone call from my supervisor describing the position that they were creating at Sunny Ridge and how they were hoping I would feel led to come on board. I have loved every minute of creating and developing new programs for adoptive families that will support them throughout the years and not just when their new family is initially formed.
At the beginning of the year we also started attending a small group affiliated with our church that has led us to be able to form some great friendships that continue to grow. We feel fortunate to have such great friends in our lives who are not only fun to hang around but also lift us up in prayer when we need it (and even when we think we don't!).
Jimm's company grew; physically and monetarily (thanks goodness!). Their new company is Fidei Group, Inc. where Jimm is partners with our good friends Tom and Steve. They have even hired a full time employee and are now looking for an office manager as well :-) It's awesome to see my husband be so proud of the work that they have accomplished together.
WE GOT OUT OF DEBT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I'm excited about that? When Jimm and I got married we sat down and looked at how much debt both of us had accrued while we were single. And I cried. We consulted several companies and were pretty much told that we should file bankruptcy. That wasn't an option for us. And I am glad that we now have the peace and pride of paying off our credit card debt & student loans. We couldn't have done it without the help of our parents who were there for us when sometimes the monthly bills were just too much (especially when dealing with medical payments for cancer treatments, baby hospital bills....and when I lost my job).
Ethan turned 4 and Reese turned 1. I am SO incredibly blessed to be a mommy to these two amazing kids.
Jimm and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on September 9th. We went downtown for dinner and saw a Second City comedy show. It was awesome to stay out late without having to worry about getting home to the kids and what time we would need to get up in the morning (our parents watched the kiddos). We have been through quite a bit in our 6 short years as a married couple, but God has given us the strength, courage, love and support that we so desperately needed and now I can say we are in a really good place.
We started looking into the possibility of moving into a new home and we are pre-certified for a mortgage (which I can tell you is a huge accomplishment considering where we were 5 years ago!). We are in a good place to be able to do this now and the housing market is still great in regards to buying! We are planning to look west of where we are now...better school systems, shortened commute for me, closer to friends of ours and big, older houses for cheap! :-)
I continue to get monitored every 4 months by my oncologist. I went in at the beginning of December and everything looks good. I have a mammogram scheduled for early January and will have to continue with typical check-ups. In May of 2012 I will have the 5 year anniversary of my diagnosis. It's a pretty big milestone/anniversary in the world of cancer. Most recurrences occur in the first 5 years after diagnosis/treatment. Not holding my breath or anything.
We spent a wonderful time with our family and friends this Christmas. We truly are blessed and we continue to pray for those friends and family members in our lives that received bad news about their health or circumstances this past year. We also celebrate with friends who will be (or hope to be) expanding their families this year through birth and adoption!
Here's to a wonderful 2012!
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