The Therapist's Therapy

The words spill out of my mouth so easily because it's what I do every day. 

Well, yes...Talk.  But also assist others with their coping skills and help them link their behavior with natural consequences.....as well as recognizing how adoption can be connected to their thoughts, feelings and behavior.

One client deals with sadness and depression, another with anxiety.  One is lying, stealing and hoarding food.  Another is contemplating searching for his birthmother so that he can finally find some of the missing puzzle pieces to his identity.  And yet another struggles with controlling her anger and impulses.

And it's so easy to sit behind my desk and suggest ways that they can cope with their feelings.  Give them practical tools such as breathing exercises, journaling, drawing, time-ins, bonding activities with family members, sit in their room for a nice cool down or punch their pillow to release that squashed anger.

What's not easy is figuring out how to deal with my own broken heart that is hurting for my little boy.

Most who know our family would say that Reese is not only the spitting image of me but also my mini-me personality :-).

However, my sweet little sensitive boy definitely has the same love language of his mama.  He needs affirmation, needs to be cuddled, needs to process his feelings verbally and needs you to listen to him. He FEELS things deeply. 

I was not prepared to have some of the conversations I have had with my 5 year old just yet. 

When I think of my clients and some of the adjustments/changes they have had to endure it always amazes me how well most of them are doing.  I mean, think about how stressed out we get if we have to change jobs or find a new church.  It sets us into mild depression.  Or really, even on a different note...how many of us experience depression just with the season change?  So, we're adults and you would think that by now we have better coping skills than we did when we were 13 but honestly, do we really?

And with that said, do I really expect my developing 5 year old to have it all together when he:

1) Moved into a new house and town a few months ago
2) Has all new neighbors and friends
3) Will go to a new school where he knows maybe 1 other child
4) Is starting KinderCare 2 days a week until school starts and will then do the after school program
5) Not only is going to a new school but is going ALL day when he used to go 3 half days.
6) Feels scared and alone and is worried that he won't make new friends.
7) Will be promoted at church to the new age group where only some of his friends will be going
8) Will no longer see his Grandma 3 times a week
9) Started wearing glasses a month ago and needs to wear them all the time indoors

I tell ya, my little boy is going through tons of adjustments right now.  And YES I do realize that most kids go through all of this as well and YES I do realize that we will get through it and YES I do realize that it will only get harder as time goes by. 

But this is our reality right now.  I am having a really difficult time figuring out how to balance Ethan's need to process his feelings while at the same time trying not to talk about it too much so that he causes himself so much anxiety. 

He really is like me.  He asks to talk about things.  He wants to discuss his feelings and sometimes when we have those talks we see some progress because we hit on something that he can relate to or I give him a good analogy that he understands. 

I'm still trying to find some good coping skills for him and his anxiety.  He has bonded with one of the teachers at KinderCare and is making slow progress there.

I'm also trying to figure out how I can deal with my broken heart.  It's tough seeing your kids hurting.

Ethan is not one of my clients and I'm not his therapist.  I'm his mom and he's my boy.  So while I would like to think that I have the answers since I help others in similar situations .....I don't. 

Prayer has been the answer so far.  Ethan has even tried it several times.

"Dear Jesus: Please make today be a short day at KinderCare and make me never go back there again".

:-)