Music has always been an important part of my life. From the time I started first grade and my little fingers were learning their way around a piano keyboard to the time I was in undergrad minoring in music. With that said: I'm no American Idol. I know my limitations as a musician and I know that in comparison to the incredible talent that is out in the world, I don't even begin to compare. But I do enjoy harmonizing on a Sunday morning or on the very rare occasion, sitting down at the piano to play a classical piece that I learned too many years ago; the piano book pages are beginning to turn yellow if you must know.
It's difficult for me to put to words what impact music has on me. It takes me to a different place. When I hear a beautifully written song I get lost. Lost in the rise and fall of the notes, the richness of the musician's tone, the entrance of the bass or the percussion...the instance when the instruments drop out all together and the band or congregation's voices fill the room with the power of their God given talents. It's a guaranteed good piece of music when I have goose bumps on my arms and tears well in my eyes. However, it's not just the music. It's also the words. When you combine poetry with notes....well, it just doesn't get any better than that.
Worship time at church is my favorite part of my Sunday. We have a great band at church and some awesome singers. So when it all comes together with a beautifully written worship song....I'm at one with God. I feel Him in the room and I hear Him speaking to me.
When I'm in my car and Adele's Rolling in the Deep comes on, I turn up the bass and volume and I'm rockin it. When Mumford and Sons Little Lion Man comes on, I get inspired. If I'm having a rough day and a favorite song comes on the radio, I am uplifted and now have a smile on my face. Just like that. When I went to see Les Miserables for the third time a month ago, I was once again portaled into the world of Jean Valjean where I laughed, cried and sat in awe at the incredible talent that I was fortunate enough to get to see.
When a talented young artisit makes a debut on American Idol and brings down the house with their version of a song that has been around for ages, it moves me. Call it cheesy, call me sappy, laugh at me....I don't care.
Music is not just a beautiful sound..........
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Food For Thought or Food and Thought
Since my last few posts have been on the somewhat more serious side, I decided to go with a "lighter theme" today.
Food: Reese has been changing her eating habits on a daily basis and it's becoming more difficult for this rambling working mom to keep up with her pickiness. One day she will be perfectly fine eating her rice or oatmeal cereal in the morning and then today she spit it out at me (And of course I was already dressed for work) several times before I called it quits. She is VERY interested in self-feeding and chewing. And why wouldn't she be? Everyone around her chews their food and puts it in their own mouth. She's already very accomplished at this as well and has been snacking on Baby Mum-Mum's for a few months now. But now she's literally turning her nose up at baby food and closing her mouth in a very defiant manner as if to say "EXCUSE me, what the **** are you trying to feed me?". I tried to describe it to my mother but until she saw her do it yesterday with some diced carrots she really didn't have any idea what "the look" was. It's pretty darn hysterical. So we are just feeding her in a trial and error process which I guess is what every parent does at some point. I just don't remember Ethan moving on from baby food this soon....but maybe my sense of time is now warped.
Thought: Ethan is becoming very anxious to learn how to read. I had a "mommy date" with him Saturday afternoon and we went to Target to do some shopping. As we were going around the store he kept yelling out the numbers and letters that he saw posted everywhere. He told me "See mommy, I'm reading!". So, while we were there I bought some index cards and decided to do what a few of my friends have done and post words around the house so that Ethan could start learning how to spell and read the various items in our house. Someone was VERY excited to be doing this and couldn't wait to help me "hunt for the items" after I spelled them out on the cards. Later in the evening every time he would go into another room I would hear him spelling out the words. For some reason he was having trouble with "A", which is really weird because it's one of the first letters he learned quickly because -obviously- it's the first letter of the alphabet but also because it's in his name. However when he was spelling the words he kept doing this: P-I-the letter in my name-N-O to spell piano or L-the letter in my name-M-P to spell lamp. Of course after the first several words I told him that he knew that letter and then it was a game to him. He LOVES to joke and tease. I have no idea where he gets that from. :-) The other thing that he did when Jimm was taking him up to bed was: T-O-I-L-E-T: POTTY! So we'll have to change some things around to reflect what he actually calls some of these things. My mom also put "Waste basket" on the garbage can. Who says waste basket? :-)
Food: Reese has been changing her eating habits on a daily basis and it's becoming more difficult for this rambling working mom to keep up with her pickiness. One day she will be perfectly fine eating her rice or oatmeal cereal in the morning and then today she spit it out at me (And of course I was already dressed for work) several times before I called it quits. She is VERY interested in self-feeding and chewing. And why wouldn't she be? Everyone around her chews their food and puts it in their own mouth. She's already very accomplished at this as well and has been snacking on Baby Mum-Mum's for a few months now. But now she's literally turning her nose up at baby food and closing her mouth in a very defiant manner as if to say "EXCUSE me, what the **** are you trying to feed me?". I tried to describe it to my mother but until she saw her do it yesterday with some diced carrots she really didn't have any idea what "the look" was. It's pretty darn hysterical. So we are just feeding her in a trial and error process which I guess is what every parent does at some point. I just don't remember Ethan moving on from baby food this soon....but maybe my sense of time is now warped.
Thought: Ethan is becoming very anxious to learn how to read. I had a "mommy date" with him Saturday afternoon and we went to Target to do some shopping. As we were going around the store he kept yelling out the numbers and letters that he saw posted everywhere. He told me "See mommy, I'm reading!". So, while we were there I bought some index cards and decided to do what a few of my friends have done and post words around the house so that Ethan could start learning how to spell and read the various items in our house. Someone was VERY excited to be doing this and couldn't wait to help me "hunt for the items" after I spelled them out on the cards. Later in the evening every time he would go into another room I would hear him spelling out the words. For some reason he was having trouble with "A", which is really weird because it's one of the first letters he learned quickly because -obviously- it's the first letter of the alphabet but also because it's in his name. However when he was spelling the words he kept doing this: P-I-the letter in my name-N-O to spell piano or L-the letter in my name-M-P to spell lamp. Of course after the first several words I told him that he knew that letter and then it was a game to him. He LOVES to joke and tease. I have no idea where he gets that from. :-) The other thing that he did when Jimm was taking him up to bed was: T-O-I-L-E-T: POTTY! So we'll have to change some things around to reflect what he actually calls some of these things. My mom also put "Waste basket" on the garbage can. Who says waste basket? :-)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Death and Dying
So in an hour I will travel to Evanston to attend a funeral. We have all been through this process before, whether for a friend, relative, co-worker, friend of a friend..you get the picture. In 2006 in the time span of just 2 1/2 months I lost my paternal grandmother, my maternal uncle and my paternal grandmother as well as experiencing another type of loss through the miscarriage of my first pregnancy. While each of those deaths were very different in regards to being expected or unexpected they were still tough. I still remember that time vividly...the phone calls, the raw emotions, the questions to God, the attempt to feel grateful that your loved ones are "now in a better place".
I will be attending the funeral of my supervisor's son who was only 36 years old and has two very young daughters, ages 2 and 6. Even though I never met him, I can guarantee you I will be crying and full of emotion today. Maybe it's because I can't imagine my 3 year and 8 month old being fatherless, maybe I can relate to my supervisor's position in losing a child, or maybe it's because I can relate to my supervisor's wife in losing her son and then also the mother of those two little girls losing her partner for life after only being married for a few years. Whatever the reason, it will be emotional. It's just NOT supposed to happen this way. A parent should not lose a child. His daughters should have had the privilege of having their daddy take care of them and hold their hand through this walk called life. A wife should not have to lose her soulmate and partner after such a short period of time. It's just not fair.
I know that "everything happens for a reason". I know that "over time things will get better". I know that "the memory of their father will live on". I know that "good things will come out of this". I know that "he is in a better place".
But right now I would just like to state for the record, this sucks.
I will be attending the funeral of my supervisor's son who was only 36 years old and has two very young daughters, ages 2 and 6. Even though I never met him, I can guarantee you I will be crying and full of emotion today. Maybe it's because I can't imagine my 3 year and 8 month old being fatherless, maybe I can relate to my supervisor's position in losing a child, or maybe it's because I can relate to my supervisor's wife in losing her son and then also the mother of those two little girls losing her partner for life after only being married for a few years. Whatever the reason, it will be emotional. It's just NOT supposed to happen this way. A parent should not lose a child. His daughters should have had the privilege of having their daddy take care of them and hold their hand through this walk called life. A wife should not have to lose her soulmate and partner after such a short period of time. It's just not fair.
I know that "everything happens for a reason". I know that "over time things will get better". I know that "the memory of their father will live on". I know that "good things will come out of this". I know that "he is in a better place".
But right now I would just like to state for the record, this sucks.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Let's talk parenting taboos: Rufus Griscom + Alisa Volkman | Video on TED.com
Check this out if you have a few minutes to spare. This married couple discusses 4 parenting taboos that most people just don't talk about.
Let's talk parenting taboos: Rufus Griscom + Alisa Volkman Video on TED.com
Let's talk parenting taboos: Rufus Griscom + Alisa Volkman Video on TED.com
The Great Debate
I have been asked many times if I would like to be able to stay at home with my kids instead of work full time. While some mothers may be able to answer that question with a resounding yes or no, I have difficulty jumping to give a definitive answer. Because I don't feel that I have a definitive answer. Ideally, I would like to have more time with my kids than I do. Does that mean quitting my job and staying at home with my kids full time? Nope. For more reasons than just one. Financially, Jimm and I are not in a position to be able to do this and mentally-health-wise I would probably go insane. When I was at home on maternity leave the second time around I was on the brink of post partum depression. Being a social worker/therapist you are generally able to diagnose others around you much more readily than you are able to be clued into your own issues! But during my leave from work I realized that I was slowly losing the identity that I had developed over 37 years.
I worked hard to establish a career path that I was proud of and enjoyed immensely. I know that I am good at my job and take pride in being able to help others through difficult situations. It's very rewarding to see a child be able to work on getting their anger under control or by helping a parent recognize that their own unresolved issues are affecting their relationship with their child. While on maternity leave, I was dealing with poop, spit up, potty training, and jealousy issues that my 3 year old was exhibiting due to his dethronement of the only child/grandchild status now that his sister was actually here. So um, yeah, I was about to lose it. My identity that is (ok, and probably my sanity as well).
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love and adore my children. If something were going on with one of them and Jimm and I both agreed that it would be best for me to quit my job and stay at home, I would without even batting an eye. They are my priority and the loves of my life. But for me, right now, I feel that I am a BETTER mother because I work. *GASP*! I treasure and truly enjoy the precious hours and weekends that I spend with my kids. Just the other night I was feeding Reese in her highchair and Ethan came over and sat in my lap. He asked if he could help feed her and I allowed him to do so and then at the same time I picked up his fork and fed him some mac and cheese. He loved me feeding him while he was feeding his baby sister. It was such a cute moment and I almost got tears in my eyes as I filed that moment in my mind as something that I would remember forever. It wasn't that big of a deal, but the feelings behind it were and I wanted to remember it. It was also about recognizing that sometimes my 3 year old needs to be coddled a little bit and allowed to regress every once in awhile now that he is sharing the spotlight with his very cute 8 month old sister.
But back to the great debate.....Some would say that I work because I "have to" --financially supporting our family along with my husband's income through his company. But even if I didn't "have to" I think I would still work....at least part-time. It's so fulfilling, I love my job and the people I work with...I just can't imagine not using my God-given talents on a regular basis. I feel that God led me to become a social worker and has helped me make career choices along the way that have benefitted both my family and myself. I am finally in the position that I have dreamed of in which I can be creative and help develop programs, curriculums, trainings and other resources that will support and assist adoptive families in the best way possible.
So, your view may be different about "the great debate" but for me, this is where I stand. I am a better mom by being a working mom.
I worked hard to establish a career path that I was proud of and enjoyed immensely. I know that I am good at my job and take pride in being able to help others through difficult situations. It's very rewarding to see a child be able to work on getting their anger under control or by helping a parent recognize that their own unresolved issues are affecting their relationship with their child. While on maternity leave, I was dealing with poop, spit up, potty training, and jealousy issues that my 3 year old was exhibiting due to his dethronement of the only child/grandchild status now that his sister was actually here. So um, yeah, I was about to lose it. My identity that is (ok, and probably my sanity as well).
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love and adore my children. If something were going on with one of them and Jimm and I both agreed that it would be best for me to quit my job and stay at home, I would without even batting an eye. They are my priority and the loves of my life. But for me, right now, I feel that I am a BETTER mother because I work. *GASP*! I treasure and truly enjoy the precious hours and weekends that I spend with my kids. Just the other night I was feeding Reese in her highchair and Ethan came over and sat in my lap. He asked if he could help feed her and I allowed him to do so and then at the same time I picked up his fork and fed him some mac and cheese. He loved me feeding him while he was feeding his baby sister. It was such a cute moment and I almost got tears in my eyes as I filed that moment in my mind as something that I would remember forever. It wasn't that big of a deal, but the feelings behind it were and I wanted to remember it. It was also about recognizing that sometimes my 3 year old needs to be coddled a little bit and allowed to regress every once in awhile now that he is sharing the spotlight with his very cute 8 month old sister.
But back to the great debate.....Some would say that I work because I "have to" --financially supporting our family along with my husband's income through his company. But even if I didn't "have to" I think I would still work....at least part-time. It's so fulfilling, I love my job and the people I work with...I just can't imagine not using my God-given talents on a regular basis. I feel that God led me to become a social worker and has helped me make career choices along the way that have benefitted both my family and myself. I am finally in the position that I have dreamed of in which I can be creative and help develop programs, curriculums, trainings and other resources that will support and assist adoptive families in the best way possible.
So, your view may be different about "the great debate" but for me, this is where I stand. I am a better mom by being a working mom.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Therapy for the therapist
I'm back. After an almost two year hiatus I have decided to give this blogging thing another go. I'm not sure why I stopped...wait, yes I am. It's called life. Trying to balance a full time job with two kids, keeping up the mundane household chores that call out in desperation when I step in the door, attempting to maintain and grow a healthy relationship with my husband is called life. It just happens. However, recently I have been missing having a place to call my own in which I can ramble on about nothing or possibly write about something that might be of interest to a few people out there in blogland. So while I'm not sure how often this space will be occupied, I would like to see how things progress. Sure, I will most likely blog about how my two insanely gorgeous children are the most incredibly smart and talented kids in the world..gag...but sometimes I might just blog about *gasp* politics! It's my space, my opinions and most of all my therapy.
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