I have been asked many times if I would like to be able to stay at home with my kids instead of work full time. While some mothers may be able to answer that question with a resounding yes or no, I have difficulty jumping to give a definitive answer. Because I don't feel that I have a definitive answer. Ideally, I would like to have more time with my kids than I do. Does that mean quitting my job and staying at home with my kids full time? Nope. For more reasons than just one. Financially, Jimm and I are not in a position to be able to do this and mentally-health-wise I would probably go insane. When I was at home on maternity leave the second time around I was on the brink of post partum depression. Being a social worker/therapist you are generally able to diagnose others around you much more readily than you are able to be clued into your own issues! But during my leave from work I realized that I was slowly losing the identity that I had developed over 37 years.
I worked hard to establish a career path that I was proud of and enjoyed immensely. I know that I am good at my job and take pride in being able to help others through difficult situations. It's very rewarding to see a child be able to work on getting their anger under control or by helping a parent recognize that their own unresolved issues are affecting their relationship with their child. While on maternity leave, I was dealing with poop, spit up, potty training, and jealousy issues that my 3 year old was exhibiting due to his dethronement of the only child/grandchild status now that his sister was actually here. So um, yeah, I was about to lose it. My identity that is (ok, and probably my sanity as well).
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love and adore my children. If something were going on with one of them and Jimm and I both agreed that it would be best for me to quit my job and stay at home, I would without even batting an eye. They are my priority and the loves of my life. But for me, right now, I feel that I am a BETTER mother because I work. *GASP*! I treasure and truly enjoy the precious hours and weekends that I spend with my kids. Just the other night I was feeding Reese in her highchair and Ethan came over and sat in my lap. He asked if he could help feed her and I allowed him to do so and then at the same time I picked up his fork and fed him some mac and cheese. He loved me feeding him while he was feeding his baby sister. It was such a cute moment and I almost got tears in my eyes as I filed that moment in my mind as something that I would remember forever. It wasn't that big of a deal, but the feelings behind it were and I wanted to remember it. It was also about recognizing that sometimes my 3 year old needs to be coddled a little bit and allowed to regress every once in awhile now that he is sharing the spotlight with his very cute 8 month old sister.
But back to the great debate.....Some would say that I work because I "have to" --financially supporting our family along with my husband's income through his company. But even if I didn't "have to" I think I would still work....at least part-time. It's so fulfilling, I love my job and the people I work with...I just can't imagine not using my God-given talents on a regular basis. I feel that God led me to become a social worker and has helped me make career choices along the way that have benefitted both my family and myself. I am finally in the position that I have dreamed of in which I can be creative and help develop programs, curriculums, trainings and other resources that will support and assist adoptive families in the best way possible.
So, your view may be different about "the great debate" but for me, this is where I stand. I am a better mom by being a working mom.
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