Mommy Guilt

You know, that overwhelming feeling that comes over you as soon as you walk out of the house and you hear your youngest wailing through the door and the oldest screaming "mommy, mommy" while banging on the window and your cell phone is already vibrating with a text from your husband asking what time he can expect you home?

Yeah, that one.  The guilt. 

And it appears that it's only a mommy thing.  At least from what I've heard. 

When asked if men have daddy guilt my husband looked at me blankly for several seconds before asking me what I was talking about.

I guess that was my answer. 

I sometimes feel crippled by mommy guilt.  I am taking next week off so that I can spend some extra time with my kiddos but more than anything it's because I want one night and two days alone with my husband.  So why do I have to take the whole week off?  Because my mom watches my kids 3 days a week and to ask her for a weekend just doesn't feel right.  Plus she wouldn't/couldn't do it.  And I completely understand that.  But I'm the one who takes a whole week of work off (alright ...it's only 4 days because of Labor Day...but still), so that my mom doesn't have to watch them during the week so that she can take one of the kids Friday and Saturday (overnight) so that I can have an anniversary weekend with my husband.  Yes, that was a long run on sentence with a few too many so's. :-)  And my mother-in-law is going to take the other one overnight....at least then they have special nights at the grandparents and one is definitely easier to handle than both!

But I'm crippled by the guilt whenever I think of doing something for myself or spending time with others. 

I have been thinking about and wanting to join a gym so that I can lose the -ahem- dare I even still call it pregnancy weight after 1 year?  Yes, I will.  :-)  I digress.  I have wanted to join a gym for months but every time I even think about when I would exercise it either gets me home at 10pm or it cuts into my time with the kids and I already feel guilty about leaving them in someone else's care the majority of the day while I help to financially provide for my family.  SIGH. 

I also feel incredible guilt when I go out with my girlfriends.  Sure, I usually have fun and enjoy myself and at times allow myself to relax....but then I find myself checking my phone to see if I've missed any panicked or urgent texts or to see what time it is.  And then I think to myself, well I've only been gone for 2 hours, so I think I can do one more hour. 

Do you really think that my husband does that? I can guarantee that he DOES NOT.  He told me doesn't.  Guilt? Ha.  If he's out with the guys ordering the new brew that's on tap, I know for certain he is not wondering how the kids are behaving or if he's needed at home. 

It's not that my husband is selfish or doesn't care....it's just not in him to feel guilty about needing some alone time or some friend time. 

I even feel guilty when I go to the grocery store by myself.  I constantly think...hmmmm...well, I guess I could bring Ethan along today, that would make things easier on Jimm.  But I have stuck to my guns on this one.  If I can go to the grocery store by myself, I will.  It is WAY too difficult to double check prices and coupons while I have a 4 year old -who no longer rides in the cart- constantly asking me if he can have a ring pop, popsicles, fruit snacks....oh, no mommy I have to go potty.....   Yep, you get the picture. 

So what are you supposed to do with this guilt?  Because as a therapist I often give advice to parents and individuals that they need "me-time" in order to retain their sanity.  Why oh why is it so hard for me to follow my own advice?  And even if I follow that advice and take some time for myself, how can I let go of the guilt long enough to relax, regroup and feel refreshed?

Well, I'm going to attempt this by finally redeeming my Christmas gift from my awesome husband.  Yep, Christmas 2010. :-)  Over 8 months ago. 

I booked a spa day for myself.  Massage. Mani-Pedi.  During my week off I asked our regular sitter (who is also my good friend) to still come on Thursday even though I'm not working.  And I'm going to go get myself pampered.  And hopefully I can relax and let the guilt go.  Even if it's just for a few hours.

If you have any other ways of dealing with mommy guilt I would be love to hear them!