I seriously CAN. NOT. believe that in just two short months my little smiley rambunctious girl will be one year old. Time is just a flyin by! There are so many changes going on in our house on a daily basis that it's hard to keep up with everything.
Reese has been taking some cautious steps between Jimm and I or between her grandparents the past few days. At times they aren't so cautious and she has compiled some nice bruises on her head from head diving into the floor or furniture! She sometimes forgets that she actually has to move her legs instead of just launching her upper body forward. :-)
I have seriously lost count as to how many teeth she has. She had three (two bottom and one top) before this last teething round and now I think she's up to 6 or 7. I actually purchased a baltic amber necklace for her to wear at the encouragement of a friend who has twins. She got them for her two girls after experiencing the nightmare of teething pains with two kids at the same time! I still can't quite tell whether or not it's working for her. I suppose I haven't been giving her as much tylenol or orajel, so that's a positive step! She has also been sleeping better which is awesome for mommy because when my poor girl is in pain she just wants to sleep right next to or on me.
Her and Ethan have a typical sibling relationship. One minute he's making her laugh hysterically and the next they're both crying. She loves her big brother and follows him around and always wants to do what he's doing. Last night they were on the floor play wrestling and she was laughing like crazy. He absolutely loves making her laugh!
Reese is going to be my stubborn child. Now, I guess I can't complain because evidently she gets that from me. If she wants something, you better get it RIGHT then or there will be hell to pay. When she decides she's hungry she wants food NOW. She's also going to beat her brother up. I guarantee it. We've already seen signs of jealousy and she's not afraid to retaliate.
Reese likes to bite. I realize she's only 10 months old and it's most likely because of her teething but the girl has some chompers! Holy Cow it hurts! She will be going in for a kiss and then open her mouth wide and take a bite out of your cheek if you're not careful. She also likes to bite knees, toes, arms, legs, stomachs...you name it we've all received a love bite from Reese :-).
She hates to lie down to get her diaper changed or her clothes changed. Hates it. Writhes that little body all around so you can barely get a grip on her.
She loves to take baths and splash! I think she'll be another water baby in Grammy's pool this summer.
She has the most contagious and beautiful smile and laugh. You can't help but smile or laugh back at her.
She definitely understands the game of "I toss my cup on the floor and then you bend down and get it and put it back on the highchair and then we repeat multiple times".
She loves to play peek a boo, pat-a-cake, and this little piggy.
Her appetite varies. I think because of the teething she has taken to eating crunchy foods so we're pretty much done with baby food. She'll occasionally eat applesauce, yogurt, or cereal as soft foods, but mainly she wants to self-feed and crunch. She also LOVES macaroni and cheese! Like literally will shake with excitement when I'm feeding it to her.
At her 9 month check up she weighed 21 pounds and was 30 inches. She is in the 87% for weight and 98% for height. She's doing great and ahead of most developmental tasks right now!
We are absolutely in love with our little girl. Happy 10 months beautiful!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Then and Now
May 18, 2007
A day that would change my life forever.
Eight months pregnant, waddling, feet-swollen-me stepped into a surgeon's office to get a core biopsy of my breast to determine whether or not the huge lump I was feeling was, in fact, breast cancer. Three hours later my worst fears were confirmed. Three hours after that I was driving to the hospital clutching my pillow and praying fervently for the baby that I was about to deliver by induction. Well, the word "about" is used loosely here. Ethan wasn't born until 2:22am on May 20, 2007.
The ups and downs that a new mom feels after delivering a baby was nothing compared to the rollercoaster of emotions that I would feel over the next several months.
One minute I would be perfectly content looking into the eyes of my baby and the next moment I would be sobbing with the thought running through my head: "what if I'm not here for him?". "What if the cancer has spread?".
I will never forget feeling so strong and actually cracking jokes as I was getting ready to have my mastectomy. And then the nurse who was trying to get my IV started blew a vein in my hand and I lost it. Literally. Sobbing. Tears streaming down my face. My husband and my dad didn't know what to do or what to say. Something so small in the grand scheme of things set me off. But isn't that how it always is?
We can sometimes brace ourselves for the big disappointments and hurts in life and then something seemingly so small will set us off and the floodgates open and a years worth of sadness is finally released and freed.
I felt sorry for myself at times and at other times I felt as if I was a messenger of hope and faith to those who had none left. I felt like the world's worst mother at times when I wasn't physically strong enough to hold my baby from the chemo effects and at other times I felt as if I could conquer the world. I questioned God's fairness and purpose for allowing me to experience something so dreadful and other times I praised Him for opening my eyes to what it truly meant to have faith and to blindly trust. I feared and worried for my future with my family and at other times an overwhelming peace raced through my body.
Somehow and for some reason I made it through to the other end of this cancer thing successfully. Scratch that. By God's miracle and grace the 7 X 9 centimeter tumor had not spread to the lymph nodes and the doctor's believed that through a rigorous treatment regiment of chemotherapy and radiation they could knock this thing out of my body. Am I out of the woods entirely? Of course not. There is always the chance that this ugly thing could recur. I go to my oncologist every four months for blood draws/tumor markers, every year for chest X-rays and mammograms and when they feel that it's necessary I go for a PET scan, which is the dreaded test for claustrophobic- me. :-)
May 18, 2011
Some days I forget that I am a cancer survivor.
Some days I feel pretty normal.
But I'm going to be candid here and say some things that are pretty open about my body and the physical changes I've gone through. Because of the urgency to get Ethan delivered, me into surgery and treatment and have some sort of "maternity leave" with my son I was unable to have reconstructive surgery. So yes, I only have one boob. I have a prosthetic breast that fits into special bras. So do I get to go into Victoria's Secret and pick out some cute little bras when I go shopping? Nope. I even have to be careful of what types of tops I purchase because if I bend over too much you can tell I have no cleavage. I know that I'm getting into some private territory here, but if I can help people understand the huge impact that this has on women then I have accomplished something. I also have no desire to be around anyone but family in a swimsuit. Do they make swimsuits for women who have had a mastectomy? Sure. But does that make me feel more comfortable? No. Depending on the type and style, you can still see my scar through the under arm area. Plus I still have about 30 pounds to lose that I haven't got rid of in 4 years after two pregnancies and chemo treatments. Sigh. :-)
I also think it's important to get real and talk about what makes a woman feel like a woman.
What distinguishes us from men? Basically our boobs and our hair, right? Yes, I know there are other things, but let's just go with the PG version, ok? Thanks. So what happens to a woman going through breast cancer and chemotherapy? You lose a boob (or possibly both) and your hair. Hmmm... Wonder why we don't feel as confident? As pretty? Yes, there are wigs, bandanas, hats. Yes, there is reconstructive surgery. But let's face it. We're losing something that has been a part of us our WHOLE life. It's just not easy. And for those wondering, yes I would love to get reconstructive surgery. And if anyone can figure out how I would schedule that into my life ...please let me know! :-) It is at least a 4-6 week recovery process. I work full time and I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old. I don't think that they would "get" leaving mommy alone and my inability to pick them up for that long. So, yes it's something I would absolutely love to do one day for myself but right now I guess I just can't figure out how it would work.
I know that some of my comments are straight-forward and blunt, but I think it's important to understand that this is something that you just don't go through for a little while and then move on from. I truly am happy in my life and I have a wonderful husband and two awesome kids. But I am reminded that I am a breast cancer survivor every day of my life from my scars and body changes. I can't walk around the house without a bra on because I feel unbalanced and my back begins to hurt. And because I'm not an A cup, you can TELL I have no bra on. So I don't take the chance that no one is going to unexpectedly knock on my door on a Saturday morning. I'm prepared. :-)
Even with all of the above reminders, I can honestly say that I have come through this a true survivor and my faith is stronger because of our trials. My God showed me that He is bigger than anything our enemy tries to shove our way. I have a loving husband that cares nothing about the changes that have been made to my body and he continues to love me for who I am and I love him for who he is. My kids don't know that their mom has a fake boob. Well, actually Ethan does but I don't think he gets it. He's been in the bathroom with me when my boob is sitting on the back of the toilet before I get into the shower. He seems to accept my answer of "that's mommy's boob". And proceeds to pee and move on with his four year old life. My kids unconditionally love me. I am unconditionally loved by many people in my life. And I am happy. But I also have a new reality and that is I am a survivor of breast cancer for 4 years (and counting).
Courage is Fear that has said it's prayers.
Oh, yes. Yes it is.
A day that would change my life forever.
Eight months pregnant, waddling, feet-swollen-me stepped into a surgeon's office to get a core biopsy of my breast to determine whether or not the huge lump I was feeling was, in fact, breast cancer. Three hours later my worst fears were confirmed. Three hours after that I was driving to the hospital clutching my pillow and praying fervently for the baby that I was about to deliver by induction. Well, the word "about" is used loosely here. Ethan wasn't born until 2:22am on May 20, 2007.
The ups and downs that a new mom feels after delivering a baby was nothing compared to the rollercoaster of emotions that I would feel over the next several months.
One minute I would be perfectly content looking into the eyes of my baby and the next moment I would be sobbing with the thought running through my head: "what if I'm not here for him?". "What if the cancer has spread?".
I will never forget feeling so strong and actually cracking jokes as I was getting ready to have my mastectomy. And then the nurse who was trying to get my IV started blew a vein in my hand and I lost it. Literally. Sobbing. Tears streaming down my face. My husband and my dad didn't know what to do or what to say. Something so small in the grand scheme of things set me off. But isn't that how it always is?
We can sometimes brace ourselves for the big disappointments and hurts in life and then something seemingly so small will set us off and the floodgates open and a years worth of sadness is finally released and freed.
I felt sorry for myself at times and at other times I felt as if I was a messenger of hope and faith to those who had none left. I felt like the world's worst mother at times when I wasn't physically strong enough to hold my baby from the chemo effects and at other times I felt as if I could conquer the world. I questioned God's fairness and purpose for allowing me to experience something so dreadful and other times I praised Him for opening my eyes to what it truly meant to have faith and to blindly trust. I feared and worried for my future with my family and at other times an overwhelming peace raced through my body.
Somehow and for some reason I made it through to the other end of this cancer thing successfully. Scratch that. By God's miracle and grace the 7 X 9 centimeter tumor had not spread to the lymph nodes and the doctor's believed that through a rigorous treatment regiment of chemotherapy and radiation they could knock this thing out of my body. Am I out of the woods entirely? Of course not. There is always the chance that this ugly thing could recur. I go to my oncologist every four months for blood draws/tumor markers, every year for chest X-rays and mammograms and when they feel that it's necessary I go for a PET scan, which is the dreaded test for claustrophobic- me. :-)
May 18, 2011
Some days I forget that I am a cancer survivor.
Some days I feel pretty normal.
But I'm going to be candid here and say some things that are pretty open about my body and the physical changes I've gone through. Because of the urgency to get Ethan delivered, me into surgery and treatment and have some sort of "maternity leave" with my son I was unable to have reconstructive surgery. So yes, I only have one boob. I have a prosthetic breast that fits into special bras. So do I get to go into Victoria's Secret and pick out some cute little bras when I go shopping? Nope. I even have to be careful of what types of tops I purchase because if I bend over too much you can tell I have no cleavage. I know that I'm getting into some private territory here, but if I can help people understand the huge impact that this has on women then I have accomplished something. I also have no desire to be around anyone but family in a swimsuit. Do they make swimsuits for women who have had a mastectomy? Sure. But does that make me feel more comfortable? No. Depending on the type and style, you can still see my scar through the under arm area. Plus I still have about 30 pounds to lose that I haven't got rid of in 4 years after two pregnancies and chemo treatments. Sigh. :-)
I also think it's important to get real and talk about what makes a woman feel like a woman.
What distinguishes us from men? Basically our boobs and our hair, right? Yes, I know there are other things, but let's just go with the PG version, ok? Thanks. So what happens to a woman going through breast cancer and chemotherapy? You lose a boob (or possibly both) and your hair. Hmmm... Wonder why we don't feel as confident? As pretty? Yes, there are wigs, bandanas, hats. Yes, there is reconstructive surgery. But let's face it. We're losing something that has been a part of us our WHOLE life. It's just not easy. And for those wondering, yes I would love to get reconstructive surgery. And if anyone can figure out how I would schedule that into my life ...please let me know! :-) It is at least a 4-6 week recovery process. I work full time and I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old. I don't think that they would "get" leaving mommy alone and my inability to pick them up for that long. So, yes it's something I would absolutely love to do one day for myself but right now I guess I just can't figure out how it would work.
I know that some of my comments are straight-forward and blunt, but I think it's important to understand that this is something that you just don't go through for a little while and then move on from. I truly am happy in my life and I have a wonderful husband and two awesome kids. But I am reminded that I am a breast cancer survivor every day of my life from my scars and body changes. I can't walk around the house without a bra on because I feel unbalanced and my back begins to hurt. And because I'm not an A cup, you can TELL I have no bra on. So I don't take the chance that no one is going to unexpectedly knock on my door on a Saturday morning. I'm prepared. :-)
Even with all of the above reminders, I can honestly say that I have come through this a true survivor and my faith is stronger because of our trials. My God showed me that He is bigger than anything our enemy tries to shove our way. I have a loving husband that cares nothing about the changes that have been made to my body and he continues to love me for who I am and I love him for who he is. My kids don't know that their mom has a fake boob. Well, actually Ethan does but I don't think he gets it. He's been in the bathroom with me when my boob is sitting on the back of the toilet before I get into the shower. He seems to accept my answer of "that's mommy's boob". And proceeds to pee and move on with his four year old life. My kids unconditionally love me. I am unconditionally loved by many people in my life. And I am happy. But I also have a new reality and that is I am a survivor of breast cancer for 4 years (and counting).
Courage is Fear that has said it's prayers.
Oh, yes. Yes it is.
Monday, May 16, 2011
A Big Week
Today it hit me that this week is pretty darn big for my family.
On Wednesday I will remember that 4 years ago on May 18th I was given the worst news of my life. But I will also celebrate being a survivor of breast cancer for 4 years.
On Thursday I will have a ten month old baby girl that miraculously came into this world after being given that horrible news.
On Friday I will help my incredible son celebrate his 4th birthday! And I will thank him (not literally because he won't be able to comprehend it until he's much older) once again for saving my life so that I could be a mommy to him and his sister.
On Saturday Ethan will have his first KID party. Yep, I caved in. We're going to have a small kids party at his favorite restaurant: Tyler's Tender in Schererville where he can ride trains and play games with his little friends until he falls over from exhaustion!
So, yeah it's going to be a pretty big week 'round the Shepard household. And I think that each of these milestones deserves a post on it's own so stay tuned!
On Wednesday I will remember that 4 years ago on May 18th I was given the worst news of my life. But I will also celebrate being a survivor of breast cancer for 4 years.
On Thursday I will have a ten month old baby girl that miraculously came into this world after being given that horrible news.
On Friday I will help my incredible son celebrate his 4th birthday! And I will thank him (not literally because he won't be able to comprehend it until he's much older) once again for saving my life so that I could be a mommy to him and his sister.
On Saturday Ethan will have his first KID party. Yep, I caved in. We're going to have a small kids party at his favorite restaurant: Tyler's Tender in Schererville where he can ride trains and play games with his little friends until he falls over from exhaustion!
So, yeah it's going to be a pretty big week 'round the Shepard household. And I think that each of these milestones deserves a post on it's own so stay tuned!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Every Single Year
Every single year around this time, all Chicagoans ask themselves WHY. Why do we live here in this state of uncontrollable and unpredictable weather. Why do we continually subject ourselves to pulling out our flip flops and capris on the first bright and sunny day, only to curse ourselves and drag our butts back to the closet to pull on our warmest sweatshirt and gym shoes? Sometimes in the very same day. Like today. I left the house this morning with short sleeves on and my cute little black shoes with no socks. And now I am looking out my office window at the horrendous looking black clouds making their way over our office building.
We have had our air conditioning on since Tuesday because unlike some of my friends who are stubborn and have some weird unwritten rule that "we will not turn the air on before June 1st", I do not want to wake up in a pool of sweat when it is 80 or 90 degrees outside. But that's just me. Why would I not turn on the air and sleep comfortably when it is an option to just push a button and AHHHHHH...comfort. But now I have a feeling that I will be pushing the other button that says "heat" tonight. And that pretty much sucks.
But EVERY single year I, as pretty much every other Chicagoan does, will complain a good long time about the weather in our part of the country. Could we move? It is probably a possibility for some people if you had family elsewhere or a new job or your job re-located you or maybe when our kids are off in college and we are empty-nesters we will consider moving to a warmer, more predictable climate.
Although when I imagine living anywhere else I am always reminded once again that I do love the changing seasons here. I love the anticipation of changing seasons. I absolutely love getting to the end of summer when the leaves are turning to beautiful autumn colors and I know a trip to the pumpkin patch is just around the corner. I love the first fresh snow fall that covers the ground like frosting. I love to hear the sounds of the birds chirping for the first time in the springtime and to see the flowers and trees blooming after their long hard summer. And I love knowing that watching my kids splash around in Grammy's pool is just a few weeks away as the spring days turn to summer.
But first, I must complain about the weather and question why I live in Chicago. Because I am a native born Chicagoan and that's just the way we roll.
We have had our air conditioning on since Tuesday because unlike some of my friends who are stubborn and have some weird unwritten rule that "we will not turn the air on before June 1st", I do not want to wake up in a pool of sweat when it is 80 or 90 degrees outside. But that's just me. Why would I not turn on the air and sleep comfortably when it is an option to just push a button and AHHHHHH...comfort. But now I have a feeling that I will be pushing the other button that says "heat" tonight. And that pretty much sucks.
But EVERY single year I, as pretty much every other Chicagoan does, will complain a good long time about the weather in our part of the country. Could we move? It is probably a possibility for some people if you had family elsewhere or a new job or your job re-located you or maybe when our kids are off in college and we are empty-nesters we will consider moving to a warmer, more predictable climate.
Although when I imagine living anywhere else I am always reminded once again that I do love the changing seasons here. I love the anticipation of changing seasons. I absolutely love getting to the end of summer when the leaves are turning to beautiful autumn colors and I know a trip to the pumpkin patch is just around the corner. I love the first fresh snow fall that covers the ground like frosting. I love to hear the sounds of the birds chirping for the first time in the springtime and to see the flowers and trees blooming after their long hard summer. And I love knowing that watching my kids splash around in Grammy's pool is just a few weeks away as the spring days turn to summer.
But first, I must complain about the weather and question why I live in Chicago. Because I am a native born Chicagoan and that's just the way we roll.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Life Without Google?
Imagine if you can, life without the search engine, Google. I seriously can't. I don't realize at times how much I pull up my internet browser page and go straight to google. Lately these are the things that I googled:
potty training regression
potty training regression in 3 year olds
potty training regression in 4 year olds
baby teething
teething pains
baltic amber necklaces
whirlyball
bolingbrook restaurants
google directions/maps
weather
toddler birthday parties
inexpensive kids birthday parties
rob bell's book love wins
adele
What would I do without google or the net? I have no idea. I have found comfort in the fact that I am not the only parent out there who is obsessed with my almost 4 year old's potty training regression. I am dealing with poopy underwear on an almost daily basis and it's driving me insane. However, I can hop on to google and all of a sudden I am surrounded by other parents going through the same exact thing. Thank goodness. Reese is teething so badly (I think she is now getting in 3 more teeth simultaneously and already has 3 teeth) and I have been going crazy for my little girl trying to find some relief. Thank goodness my friend Julia has had similar problems with her twin girls and through her blog I learned about baltic amber necklaces that are a natural healing tool specifically for teething pains. I have ordered one and hopefully it will get here sometime this week.
I am grateful for google. How about you?
potty training regression
potty training regression in 3 year olds
potty training regression in 4 year olds
baby teething
teething pains
baltic amber necklaces
whirlyball
bolingbrook restaurants
google directions/maps
weather
toddler birthday parties
inexpensive kids birthday parties
rob bell's book love wins
adele
What would I do without google or the net? I have no idea. I have found comfort in the fact that I am not the only parent out there who is obsessed with my almost 4 year old's potty training regression. I am dealing with poopy underwear on an almost daily basis and it's driving me insane. However, I can hop on to google and all of a sudden I am surrounded by other parents going through the same exact thing. Thank goodness. Reese is teething so badly (I think she is now getting in 3 more teeth simultaneously and already has 3 teeth) and I have been going crazy for my little girl trying to find some relief. Thank goodness my friend Julia has had similar problems with her twin girls and through her blog I learned about baltic amber necklaces that are a natural healing tool specifically for teething pains. I have ordered one and hopefully it will get here sometime this week.
I am grateful for google. How about you?
Friday, May 6, 2011
Being Reminded
Last weekend we dedicated Reese to God at our church and we were surrounded by family and friends. I was once again reminded how blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life and that I, as a mother, have such an incredible opportunity to raise two beautiful children to know God and to follow Him. We met with our pastor and his sister, who leads the children's ministry at our church, the week before Reese was officially dedicated. During that meeting I realized that I had never told my "story" to Drew, our pastor. Since we were talking about our responsibilities as a parent and how awesome parenthood is, I wanted to share with him our triumphs and challenges that we have experienced so far as parents. After sharing my story with him he asked me if I would be willing to share my testimony at church on Mother's Day where he was planning to have a panel of mothers speak about their experiences. In preparation for that day, I started perusing my old blog (http://www.ethanshepard.com/) that I kept while going through cancer treatments and came across this entry:
On Monday the one thing that I was looking forward to was getting my drain taken out by the surgeon who performed my surgery. As we were pulling into the clinic parking lot I realized that I missed a call on my cell phone. It was the clinic informing me that the surgeon was in emergency surgery and we would have to reschedule. I was devastated because I was SO looking forward to getting this drain taken out. But as I was driving back home crying I realized that this was one small disappointment in the grand scheme of things. I was alive! The cancer had not spread throughout my body! I am a MOM! I would be able to get the drain taken out the next day. The “small” things in life are now going to seem so much important to me than they did just a few weeks ago. Taking a walk and appreciating the beauty around me, the smell of the flowers outside, each and every breath that I am able to take, my son’s dirty diapers (yes, I should be thankful for these), his little hunger cries, each and every person who has been praying for me constantly. There are so many things to be thankful for and I am.
That entry was made almost 4 years ago. I admit that it's hard to be thankful every day. Especially when you don't get enough sleep, you're worried about finances, your child is regressing in potty training, your 9 month old is teething, you have a disagreement with your husband or you just had to pay $65 to fill up your gas tank. I know that we're allowed to have bad days and that these seemingly "little" things are sometimes the things that drive people mad. But looking back at these journal entries I realized that my journey as a mother began at the same time I wasn't sure how long I would be around to BE a mother. I need to be thankful that I am even here today to experience the aforementioned "little things" such as a teething 9 month old. And that 9 month old is a little miracle in and of herself! Who knew that we would be blessed to be able to become parents again after having chemotherapy destroy a good amount of my eggs? Who knew that I would be healthy enough to conceive again after going through 34 rounds of radiation? My God did...that's who!
I need to remember how it felt 4 years ago to be thankful for poopy diapers. I need to remember how awesome it felt to be alive and to be thankful for walks with my son and the smell of beautiful flowers outside our windows. I need to remember that even though I am so tired writing this blog right now because Reese had a rough night teething...that I am ALIVE, healthy and that I am a MOTHER to two beautiful, full of personality, loving and funny children.
It's good to be reminded. And Happy Mother's Day.
On Monday the one thing that I was looking forward to was getting my drain taken out by the surgeon who performed my surgery. As we were pulling into the clinic parking lot I realized that I missed a call on my cell phone. It was the clinic informing me that the surgeon was in emergency surgery and we would have to reschedule. I was devastated because I was SO looking forward to getting this drain taken out. But as I was driving back home crying I realized that this was one small disappointment in the grand scheme of things. I was alive! The cancer had not spread throughout my body! I am a MOM! I would be able to get the drain taken out the next day. The “small” things in life are now going to seem so much important to me than they did just a few weeks ago. Taking a walk and appreciating the beauty around me, the smell of the flowers outside, each and every breath that I am able to take, my son’s dirty diapers (yes, I should be thankful for these), his little hunger cries, each and every person who has been praying for me constantly. There are so many things to be thankful for and I am.
That entry was made almost 4 years ago. I admit that it's hard to be thankful every day. Especially when you don't get enough sleep, you're worried about finances, your child is regressing in potty training, your 9 month old is teething, you have a disagreement with your husband or you just had to pay $65 to fill up your gas tank. I know that we're allowed to have bad days and that these seemingly "little" things are sometimes the things that drive people mad. But looking back at these journal entries I realized that my journey as a mother began at the same time I wasn't sure how long I would be around to BE a mother. I need to be thankful that I am even here today to experience the aforementioned "little things" such as a teething 9 month old. And that 9 month old is a little miracle in and of herself! Who knew that we would be blessed to be able to become parents again after having chemotherapy destroy a good amount of my eggs? Who knew that I would be healthy enough to conceive again after going through 34 rounds of radiation? My God did...that's who!
I need to remember how it felt 4 years ago to be thankful for poopy diapers. I need to remember how awesome it felt to be alive and to be thankful for walks with my son and the smell of beautiful flowers outside our windows. I need to remember that even though I am so tired writing this blog right now because Reese had a rough night teething...that I am ALIVE, healthy and that I am a MOTHER to two beautiful, full of personality, loving and funny children.
It's good to be reminded. And Happy Mother's Day.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Conflicted
I did not hear the news of Osama Bin Laden's death until early this morning. My first reaction was only, "really?". My feeling on the situation was not necessarily an overwhelming one. I drove into work, came into the office and proceeded to check my email, call back a client and to start working on some documents. After awhile, I proceeded to check facebook where I found myself starting to squirm in my chair with what I was reading and seeing. While I understand that as American's we feel the need to celebrate this man's death as justice for the hundreds, even thousands of lives that have been lost due to his actions....I do feel uneasy with the outward, very un-Christianlike comments that are being posted. I started to think I was the only one that felt this way until I ran across two verses that were posted by a friend who is also a pastor.
"'Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked?' declares the LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?" Ezekiel 18:23
"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice." PROVERBS 24:17
I immediately felt relief that there are those out there like me who feel uncomfortable with the celebration of someone's death. Before I get tons of posts debating this issue, let me say this: I am honored to be an American and am proud of the men and women who fight for our country every day. I am thrilled for the families who have lost loved ones at the hands of terrorists such as Osama Bin Laden that they may feel some sort of relief and that justice was served. I do not feel comfortable with people stating that they wish for Bin Laden to rot in hell. As the verse states above in Ezekiel: God would have been pleased if he had turned from his evil ways and lived. We should not take pleasure in the death of another, instead we should pray for him and the countless others who are under the impression that killing thousands of innocent people is "God's work".
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