Last weekend we dedicated Reese to God at our church and we were surrounded by family and friends. I was once again reminded how blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life and that I, as a mother, have such an incredible opportunity to raise two beautiful children to know God and to follow Him. We met with our pastor and his sister, who leads the children's ministry at our church, the week before Reese was officially dedicated. During that meeting I realized that I had never told my "story" to Drew, our pastor. Since we were talking about our responsibilities as a parent and how awesome parenthood is, I wanted to share with him our triumphs and challenges that we have experienced so far as parents. After sharing my story with him he asked me if I would be willing to share my testimony at church on Mother's Day where he was planning to have a panel of mothers speak about their experiences. In preparation for that day, I started perusing my old blog (http://www.ethanshepard.com/) that I kept while going through cancer treatments and came across this entry:
On Monday the one thing that I was looking forward to was getting my drain taken out by the surgeon who performed my surgery. As we were pulling into the clinic parking lot I realized that I missed a call on my cell phone. It was the clinic informing me that the surgeon was in emergency surgery and we would have to reschedule. I was devastated because I was SO looking forward to getting this drain taken out. But as I was driving back home crying I realized that this was one small disappointment in the grand scheme of things. I was alive! The cancer had not spread throughout my body! I am a MOM! I would be able to get the drain taken out the next day. The “small” things in life are now going to seem so much important to me than they did just a few weeks ago. Taking a walk and appreciating the beauty around me, the smell of the flowers outside, each and every breath that I am able to take, my son’s dirty diapers (yes, I should be thankful for these), his little hunger cries, each and every person who has been praying for me constantly. There are so many things to be thankful for and I am.
That entry was made almost 4 years ago. I admit that it's hard to be thankful every day. Especially when you don't get enough sleep, you're worried about finances, your child is regressing in potty training, your 9 month old is teething, you have a disagreement with your husband or you just had to pay $65 to fill up your gas tank. I know that we're allowed to have bad days and that these seemingly "little" things are sometimes the things that drive people mad. But looking back at these journal entries I realized that my journey as a mother began at the same time I wasn't sure how long I would be around to BE a mother. I need to be thankful that I am even here today to experience the aforementioned "little things" such as a teething 9 month old. And that 9 month old is a little miracle in and of herself! Who knew that we would be blessed to be able to become parents again after having chemotherapy destroy a good amount of my eggs? Who knew that I would be healthy enough to conceive again after going through 34 rounds of radiation? My God did...that's who!
I need to remember how it felt 4 years ago to be thankful for poopy diapers. I need to remember how awesome it felt to be alive and to be thankful for walks with my son and the smell of beautiful flowers outside our windows. I need to remember that even though I am so tired writing this blog right now because Reese had a rough night teething...that I am ALIVE, healthy and that I am a MOTHER to two beautiful, full of personality, loving and funny children.
It's good to be reminded. And Happy Mother's Day.
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