Mommy Wars

You feed your kid McDonald's? Shame on you.

You didn't breastfeed? Oh, wow.  Don't you realize how many nutrients are in breast milk and how good it is for the attachment process?

Gogurts? Oh, my gosh...so much dye & sugar, it's hardly worth it.

You work? Oh, wow that must be so hard to leave your kids every day. I could never do that. 

Stay at home mommy? Oh, you're so lucky. I just could never do it.

You nursed until he was 4? Aren't you afraid you're going to damage his self-confidence?

Oh, the mommy wars seem to be extremely heated these days.  Is it the fact that so many mommies are blogging? Facebooking? Tweeting?  And if the answer is yes, maybe they should refer back to my blog post about trying to be a "hands free" mama anyway.

But some mommies are blogging to make money as a way to supplement their family's income.  And so part of the way that they make money is how many "clicks" they get on their page.  It would only be natural for them to want to spark some controversy with their posts to get more people clicking on their pages.  Once things go viral everyone has an opinion.

But why are mommies declaring war on each other? I read a facebook post today about Gogurt.  Yes, the cute little tubes of yogurt that we hand our kids because they can eat it on the go and fairly independently.  One mom posted that it "makes lazy parents feel like they are giving their kids something healthy". 

Wait, what?

You just called all of us who have Gogurts in our refrigerators "lazy". 

And that comment sparked a whole thread with about 100 comments.  Craziness.

Why are mommies breaking each other down instead of building each other up?

It seems like we're in competition.  My kid started walking at 10 months.  Billy started talking at 3 months.... *cough* *!)#* crap *.

When I was at Ethan's kindergarten screening I was listening to the conversations around me.  These parents were watching their kids like a hawk during the screenings to see what they could or couldn't do. 

"Oh, did you see her?" "She missed catching the ball twice.  Poor thing she must be having some gross motor delays".  WHAT?

She missed the freaking ball while 100 parents are sitting watching and she's being evaluated by strangers? Maybe she was just nervous.  Maybe she looked the other way when the ball was coming.

SIGH.

I have to admit, I worried about certain things with Ethan.  He was my preemie.  I still worry more about him than I do Reese.  He's my sensitive guy.  Reese cries for a second and she's fine.  But I was concerned about him not walking right away.  I still feel he was a late walker at about 15 months but then I was talking to a mom today and all three of her girls were 14-18 months. 

It reminded me once again that I need to stick to my line of thinking that each kid is different and grows at their own pace.  Ethan will be on the younger side of his classmates.  He literally just turned 5, where some of them have been 5 since last September. 

And I also don't want to take part in mommy wars.  I can be passionate about certain things.  I can voice my opinion but I sure hope I do it respectfully and tastefully.  If I don't do that, please call me out on it. 

And a side not to all of those mommies who were able to breast feed your kids: Just because someone didn't, doesn't mean that it was a CHOICE for them.  I had no choice in the matter.  I had surgery 2 weeks after Ethan was born and started chemotherapy 2 weeks after that.  So, while I am 100% an advocate for breast feeding your child if you can, just keep in mind those unique circumstances in which some mom's had no choice in the matter. 

I was planning on nursing Reese.  Had every intention, even with just one breast.  However, I let my post partum craziness/feelings get the better of me.  I didn't want to fail.  I also felt that it wouldn't be fair to Ethan if I was able to breastfeed Reese.  I know, I know.  He would have never known.  They were my own fears that I had to deal with and instead of sucking it up and just moving forward, I chose to take the "easier" route. 

Mommies:  Let's stop judging and cutting one another down.  Let's build each other up, encourage those in times of need and give each other a break.