I was listening to the radio a few days ago, or it could have been a few weeks ago...I lose track of time these days....Anyway, I already digress....and I heard that women spend more time getting ready to go out with their girlfriends for girls night out than they do for date night with their husband or boyfriend. Hmmmm. Why is that? Do we need to impress our friends more than our significant other? Or is it the impression that guys are going to be looking at a group of girls out together and we need to look our best? Or is that we care more about what our friends think than our significant other? I really honestly don't know. I'm not necessarily putting myself into this category..by the way....I'm not a "girly girl" that needs to spend hours getting ready to go somewhere. I can usually get what I need to get done in about a 1/2 hour. However, I do have friends that take hours to get ready so this may be true for some.
But it got me thinking about my friends. And girls nights out. And how important friendships are for our self-esteem, feeling valued, feeling pretty and attractive, etc. I mean, seriously. Don't our friends give us more compliments at times than our significant others or family members do? Countless times I have had a friend say "oh, you look good in that color" or "your eyes look so pretty today" or "are you losing weight?". And boy does that make me feel good. Who doesn't need a night out in which you laugh, cry, celebrate, make fun of your husband or boyfriend or significant other, tell jokes, act like ladies but sometimes let out a loud laugh or fart, vent about work or our significant others, discuss what's going on with our kids, gossip but try not to, and lift one another up by complimenting and praising who we are as women????
I am a firm believer that good friends you hold strong connections with will always be in your life...no matter if you move away, or if it's just contact by facebook and email..they will always be a part of your life. They may play a bigger part of your life in certain seasons and a smaller part in other seasons. But they will always be a part of your life. I have stayed in contact with friends with whom I grew up with. Are we as close as we were 20 years ago? No. But I've stayed connected or even re-connected. I have also gone through a period of not talking to a friend for various reasons, only to connect later on with an even stronger friendship. I think the people you surround yourself with at specific seasons in your life is directly related to what you are currently experiencing and also who you have the most in common with. For instance, I am not as close to a group of friends that I once hung out with quite a bit mainly because my life has changed dramatically....I got married and now have two kids whereas they are still single and enjoying that lifestyle! But I am still friends with them and value their friendships...we're just in different circumstances and seasons now.
In the past few months I have started hanging out with a wonderful group of girls from my church. They are fun, full of personality, crazy, spiritual, and striving to be the best women, wives, mothers, teachers, social workers, nurses (wow, just realized that those of us working are all in the "helping fields") that they can be. It's been wonderful to be a part of these growing friendships and I can't wait to see what God has in store for all of us.
With that said, I am off to a wonderful girls night with some of those very girls tonight! We are going to laugh our butts off at "Bridesmaids" and then we're off for dessert and drinks!
I hope that all women out there have the opportunity to experience strong bonds with their girlfriends....
Friday, May 27, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
My 4 year Old
Ethan's birthday was on May 20th, but I have been running my butt off since Thursday night that I haven't had time to sit and breathe let alone right a post about my cutie pie! Boy, did we celebrate this year with a bang!
Thursday evening Ethan's 2 sets of grandparents, Jimm, Reese and I attended his first ever preschool graduation (well, he got a certificate because thank goodness we have another year of preschool left!). This proud mama watched her little boy sing his heart out to some oldies but goodies in the genre of "Bible songs"...yes, Ethan is going to a private preschool. Sidenote: we don't plan on him attending private school in the future but for right now this school had the best program and it was affordable and convenient for our schedules :-). They also recited some Bible verses and sang "We will Rock You" with some more powerful "Jesus" lyrics! Then Ethan cautiously crossed the stage to get his certificate and shake hands with the preschool director and his teachers. So. C.U.T.E!
On Friday (his actual birthday) his class field trip was planned to go to Exploration Station down in Bourbonnais. So my wonderful mother in law watched Reese so that I could have some Ethan and mommy time. It was great to be able to explore with him and then of course about 1/2 way through he totally forgot about me because his friends were there and they are way cooler than mommy. Sigh. A glimpse into my future.
We went home and played with a new bubble machine that Grammy gave to him. Reese giggled at her brother chasing bubbles all over our yard...another snapshot to be remembered! Then we took a short walk and got my little girl down for a nap.
Grandma and Grandpa came over for dinner and to give Ethan his big presents, because they didn't want to lug them to the train restaurant on Saturday...totally understandable! He got a Radio Flyer Scooter and his own BBQ grill to help daddy cook dinner with! From mommy and daddy he got a couple of "educational toys": a Melissa and Doug clock to help him learn how to tell time and a magnetic calendar to help him understand his days and months. We also got him a Wii "Just dance for kids" game. Oh, my gosh...he LOVES it! He keeps making mommy dance with him and I'm liking it because it's a nice workout!
On Saturday was his first ever kid party. It was small and I wanted to keep it that way. We had about 7 kids and then parents there. My cousin, her husband, their little girl and my parents also came. We went to the train restaurant in Schererville, Indiana. They all got to ride the train and then they were set loose in the arcade room. They all had a blast! Then we had some awesome cake made by my friend Alicia at My Sugar Satisfaction (also Ethan's friend Malachi's mommy). Ethan opened his presents with the help of his friends and got some pretty good stuff! Sidenote: thanks to the mommies who also got him clothes! :-)
On Sunday we went to church and then we went to go see my Grandma at the nursing home. She wasn't having a very good day. She had a bad cough and they were giving her medicine that made her drowsy...so I or Ethan would be talking to her and she kept falling asleep in her wheelchair. But it was really cute because I asked Ethan if he would sing some songs to her that he sang at his preschool program. And then when he saw that she was falling asleep he would sing "Jesus Loves Me" to her really quietly and would tell her "it's ok GG, you can sleep". Melts my heart.
My 4 year old is one of the sweetest and incorrigable little boys ever. He drives me crazy but I would do anything for him. He was extremely hyper last night waiting in anticipation for my brother to come over to our house with presents. He kept pushing Reese over and taking things from her and finally Jimm sat him on the couch and told him not to move until Uncle Mike got there. He started "fake crying"...well, part of it was real, but he just kept doing it and finally I started laughing...couldn't hold it in any longer. That's what my boy does to you...makes you want to punish him and hug him all at the same time!
He is doing really well in school. He writes his name really well..when he feels like it. :-) His imagination is incredible. He can tell a story like no one's business. He has pretty good coordination and has been riding his little bike with training wheels for over a year now. He doesn't seem to have too much interest in organized sports (ahem...just like his daddy), but maybe my girl will be a tennis or volleyball player like her mama! I can see Ethan playing soccer, though. We shall see!
I love my four year old with all my heart. He is an incredible blessing to me and to Jimm.
Thursday evening Ethan's 2 sets of grandparents, Jimm, Reese and I attended his first ever preschool graduation (well, he got a certificate because thank goodness we have another year of preschool left!). This proud mama watched her little boy sing his heart out to some oldies but goodies in the genre of "Bible songs"...yes, Ethan is going to a private preschool. Sidenote: we don't plan on him attending private school in the future but for right now this school had the best program and it was affordable and convenient for our schedules :-). They also recited some Bible verses and sang "We will Rock You" with some more powerful "Jesus" lyrics! Then Ethan cautiously crossed the stage to get his certificate and shake hands with the preschool director and his teachers. So. C.U.T.E!
On Friday (his actual birthday) his class field trip was planned to go to Exploration Station down in Bourbonnais. So my wonderful mother in law watched Reese so that I could have some Ethan and mommy time. It was great to be able to explore with him and then of course about 1/2 way through he totally forgot about me because his friends were there and they are way cooler than mommy. Sigh. A glimpse into my future.
We went home and played with a new bubble machine that Grammy gave to him. Reese giggled at her brother chasing bubbles all over our yard...another snapshot to be remembered! Then we took a short walk and got my little girl down for a nap.
Grandma and Grandpa came over for dinner and to give Ethan his big presents, because they didn't want to lug them to the train restaurant on Saturday...totally understandable! He got a Radio Flyer Scooter and his own BBQ grill to help daddy cook dinner with! From mommy and daddy he got a couple of "educational toys": a Melissa and Doug clock to help him learn how to tell time and a magnetic calendar to help him understand his days and months. We also got him a Wii "Just dance for kids" game. Oh, my gosh...he LOVES it! He keeps making mommy dance with him and I'm liking it because it's a nice workout!
On Saturday was his first ever kid party. It was small and I wanted to keep it that way. We had about 7 kids and then parents there. My cousin, her husband, their little girl and my parents also came. We went to the train restaurant in Schererville, Indiana. They all got to ride the train and then they were set loose in the arcade room. They all had a blast! Then we had some awesome cake made by my friend Alicia at My Sugar Satisfaction (also Ethan's friend Malachi's mommy). Ethan opened his presents with the help of his friends and got some pretty good stuff! Sidenote: thanks to the mommies who also got him clothes! :-)
On Sunday we went to church and then we went to go see my Grandma at the nursing home. She wasn't having a very good day. She had a bad cough and they were giving her medicine that made her drowsy...so I or Ethan would be talking to her and she kept falling asleep in her wheelchair. But it was really cute because I asked Ethan if he would sing some songs to her that he sang at his preschool program. And then when he saw that she was falling asleep he would sing "Jesus Loves Me" to her really quietly and would tell her "it's ok GG, you can sleep". Melts my heart.
My 4 year old is one of the sweetest and incorrigable little boys ever. He drives me crazy but I would do anything for him. He was extremely hyper last night waiting in anticipation for my brother to come over to our house with presents. He kept pushing Reese over and taking things from her and finally Jimm sat him on the couch and told him not to move until Uncle Mike got there. He started "fake crying"...well, part of it was real, but he just kept doing it and finally I started laughing...couldn't hold it in any longer. That's what my boy does to you...makes you want to punish him and hug him all at the same time!
He is doing really well in school. He writes his name really well..when he feels like it. :-) His imagination is incredible. He can tell a story like no one's business. He has pretty good coordination and has been riding his little bike with training wheels for over a year now. He doesn't seem to have too much interest in organized sports (ahem...just like his daddy), but maybe my girl will be a tennis or volleyball player like her mama! I can see Ethan playing soccer, though. We shall see!
I love my four year old with all my heart. He is an incredible blessing to me and to Jimm.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Happy 10 Months Reese!
I seriously CAN. NOT. believe that in just two short months my little smiley rambunctious girl will be one year old. Time is just a flyin by! There are so many changes going on in our house on a daily basis that it's hard to keep up with everything.
Reese has been taking some cautious steps between Jimm and I or between her grandparents the past few days. At times they aren't so cautious and she has compiled some nice bruises on her head from head diving into the floor or furniture! She sometimes forgets that she actually has to move her legs instead of just launching her upper body forward. :-)
I have seriously lost count as to how many teeth she has. She had three (two bottom and one top) before this last teething round and now I think she's up to 6 or 7. I actually purchased a baltic amber necklace for her to wear at the encouragement of a friend who has twins. She got them for her two girls after experiencing the nightmare of teething pains with two kids at the same time! I still can't quite tell whether or not it's working for her. I suppose I haven't been giving her as much tylenol or orajel, so that's a positive step! She has also been sleeping better which is awesome for mommy because when my poor girl is in pain she just wants to sleep right next to or on me.
Her and Ethan have a typical sibling relationship. One minute he's making her laugh hysterically and the next they're both crying. She loves her big brother and follows him around and always wants to do what he's doing. Last night they were on the floor play wrestling and she was laughing like crazy. He absolutely loves making her laugh!
Reese is going to be my stubborn child. Now, I guess I can't complain because evidently she gets that from me. If she wants something, you better get it RIGHT then or there will be hell to pay. When she decides she's hungry she wants food NOW. She's also going to beat her brother up. I guarantee it. We've already seen signs of jealousy and she's not afraid to retaliate.
Reese likes to bite. I realize she's only 10 months old and it's most likely because of her teething but the girl has some chompers! Holy Cow it hurts! She will be going in for a kiss and then open her mouth wide and take a bite out of your cheek if you're not careful. She also likes to bite knees, toes, arms, legs, stomachs...you name it we've all received a love bite from Reese :-).
She hates to lie down to get her diaper changed or her clothes changed. Hates it. Writhes that little body all around so you can barely get a grip on her.
She loves to take baths and splash! I think she'll be another water baby in Grammy's pool this summer.
She has the most contagious and beautiful smile and laugh. You can't help but smile or laugh back at her.
She definitely understands the game of "I toss my cup on the floor and then you bend down and get it and put it back on the highchair and then we repeat multiple times".
She loves to play peek a boo, pat-a-cake, and this little piggy.
Her appetite varies. I think because of the teething she has taken to eating crunchy foods so we're pretty much done with baby food. She'll occasionally eat applesauce, yogurt, or cereal as soft foods, but mainly she wants to self-feed and crunch. She also LOVES macaroni and cheese! Like literally will shake with excitement when I'm feeding it to her.
At her 9 month check up she weighed 21 pounds and was 30 inches. She is in the 87% for weight and 98% for height. She's doing great and ahead of most developmental tasks right now!
We are absolutely in love with our little girl. Happy 10 months beautiful!
Reese has been taking some cautious steps between Jimm and I or between her grandparents the past few days. At times they aren't so cautious and she has compiled some nice bruises on her head from head diving into the floor or furniture! She sometimes forgets that she actually has to move her legs instead of just launching her upper body forward. :-)
I have seriously lost count as to how many teeth she has. She had three (two bottom and one top) before this last teething round and now I think she's up to 6 or 7. I actually purchased a baltic amber necklace for her to wear at the encouragement of a friend who has twins. She got them for her two girls after experiencing the nightmare of teething pains with two kids at the same time! I still can't quite tell whether or not it's working for her. I suppose I haven't been giving her as much tylenol or orajel, so that's a positive step! She has also been sleeping better which is awesome for mommy because when my poor girl is in pain she just wants to sleep right next to or on me.
Her and Ethan have a typical sibling relationship. One minute he's making her laugh hysterically and the next they're both crying. She loves her big brother and follows him around and always wants to do what he's doing. Last night they were on the floor play wrestling and she was laughing like crazy. He absolutely loves making her laugh!
Reese is going to be my stubborn child. Now, I guess I can't complain because evidently she gets that from me. If she wants something, you better get it RIGHT then or there will be hell to pay. When she decides she's hungry she wants food NOW. She's also going to beat her brother up. I guarantee it. We've already seen signs of jealousy and she's not afraid to retaliate.
Reese likes to bite. I realize she's only 10 months old and it's most likely because of her teething but the girl has some chompers! Holy Cow it hurts! She will be going in for a kiss and then open her mouth wide and take a bite out of your cheek if you're not careful. She also likes to bite knees, toes, arms, legs, stomachs...you name it we've all received a love bite from Reese :-).
She hates to lie down to get her diaper changed or her clothes changed. Hates it. Writhes that little body all around so you can barely get a grip on her.
She loves to take baths and splash! I think she'll be another water baby in Grammy's pool this summer.
She has the most contagious and beautiful smile and laugh. You can't help but smile or laugh back at her.
She definitely understands the game of "I toss my cup on the floor and then you bend down and get it and put it back on the highchair and then we repeat multiple times".
She loves to play peek a boo, pat-a-cake, and this little piggy.
Her appetite varies. I think because of the teething she has taken to eating crunchy foods so we're pretty much done with baby food. She'll occasionally eat applesauce, yogurt, or cereal as soft foods, but mainly she wants to self-feed and crunch. She also LOVES macaroni and cheese! Like literally will shake with excitement when I'm feeding it to her.
At her 9 month check up she weighed 21 pounds and was 30 inches. She is in the 87% for weight and 98% for height. She's doing great and ahead of most developmental tasks right now!
We are absolutely in love with our little girl. Happy 10 months beautiful!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Then and Now
May 18, 2007
A day that would change my life forever.
Eight months pregnant, waddling, feet-swollen-me stepped into a surgeon's office to get a core biopsy of my breast to determine whether or not the huge lump I was feeling was, in fact, breast cancer. Three hours later my worst fears were confirmed. Three hours after that I was driving to the hospital clutching my pillow and praying fervently for the baby that I was about to deliver by induction. Well, the word "about" is used loosely here. Ethan wasn't born until 2:22am on May 20, 2007.
The ups and downs that a new mom feels after delivering a baby was nothing compared to the rollercoaster of emotions that I would feel over the next several months.
One minute I would be perfectly content looking into the eyes of my baby and the next moment I would be sobbing with the thought running through my head: "what if I'm not here for him?". "What if the cancer has spread?".
I will never forget feeling so strong and actually cracking jokes as I was getting ready to have my mastectomy. And then the nurse who was trying to get my IV started blew a vein in my hand and I lost it. Literally. Sobbing. Tears streaming down my face. My husband and my dad didn't know what to do or what to say. Something so small in the grand scheme of things set me off. But isn't that how it always is?
We can sometimes brace ourselves for the big disappointments and hurts in life and then something seemingly so small will set us off and the floodgates open and a years worth of sadness is finally released and freed.
I felt sorry for myself at times and at other times I felt as if I was a messenger of hope and faith to those who had none left. I felt like the world's worst mother at times when I wasn't physically strong enough to hold my baby from the chemo effects and at other times I felt as if I could conquer the world. I questioned God's fairness and purpose for allowing me to experience something so dreadful and other times I praised Him for opening my eyes to what it truly meant to have faith and to blindly trust. I feared and worried for my future with my family and at other times an overwhelming peace raced through my body.
Somehow and for some reason I made it through to the other end of this cancer thing successfully. Scratch that. By God's miracle and grace the 7 X 9 centimeter tumor had not spread to the lymph nodes and the doctor's believed that through a rigorous treatment regiment of chemotherapy and radiation they could knock this thing out of my body. Am I out of the woods entirely? Of course not. There is always the chance that this ugly thing could recur. I go to my oncologist every four months for blood draws/tumor markers, every year for chest X-rays and mammograms and when they feel that it's necessary I go for a PET scan, which is the dreaded test for claustrophobic- me. :-)
May 18, 2011
Some days I forget that I am a cancer survivor.
Some days I feel pretty normal.
But I'm going to be candid here and say some things that are pretty open about my body and the physical changes I've gone through. Because of the urgency to get Ethan delivered, me into surgery and treatment and have some sort of "maternity leave" with my son I was unable to have reconstructive surgery. So yes, I only have one boob. I have a prosthetic breast that fits into special bras. So do I get to go into Victoria's Secret and pick out some cute little bras when I go shopping? Nope. I even have to be careful of what types of tops I purchase because if I bend over too much you can tell I have no cleavage. I know that I'm getting into some private territory here, but if I can help people understand the huge impact that this has on women then I have accomplished something. I also have no desire to be around anyone but family in a swimsuit. Do they make swimsuits for women who have had a mastectomy? Sure. But does that make me feel more comfortable? No. Depending on the type and style, you can still see my scar through the under arm area. Plus I still have about 30 pounds to lose that I haven't got rid of in 4 years after two pregnancies and chemo treatments. Sigh. :-)
I also think it's important to get real and talk about what makes a woman feel like a woman.
What distinguishes us from men? Basically our boobs and our hair, right? Yes, I know there are other things, but let's just go with the PG version, ok? Thanks. So what happens to a woman going through breast cancer and chemotherapy? You lose a boob (or possibly both) and your hair. Hmmm... Wonder why we don't feel as confident? As pretty? Yes, there are wigs, bandanas, hats. Yes, there is reconstructive surgery. But let's face it. We're losing something that has been a part of us our WHOLE life. It's just not easy. And for those wondering, yes I would love to get reconstructive surgery. And if anyone can figure out how I would schedule that into my life ...please let me know! :-) It is at least a 4-6 week recovery process. I work full time and I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old. I don't think that they would "get" leaving mommy alone and my inability to pick them up for that long. So, yes it's something I would absolutely love to do one day for myself but right now I guess I just can't figure out how it would work.
I know that some of my comments are straight-forward and blunt, but I think it's important to understand that this is something that you just don't go through for a little while and then move on from. I truly am happy in my life and I have a wonderful husband and two awesome kids. But I am reminded that I am a breast cancer survivor every day of my life from my scars and body changes. I can't walk around the house without a bra on because I feel unbalanced and my back begins to hurt. And because I'm not an A cup, you can TELL I have no bra on. So I don't take the chance that no one is going to unexpectedly knock on my door on a Saturday morning. I'm prepared. :-)
Even with all of the above reminders, I can honestly say that I have come through this a true survivor and my faith is stronger because of our trials. My God showed me that He is bigger than anything our enemy tries to shove our way. I have a loving husband that cares nothing about the changes that have been made to my body and he continues to love me for who I am and I love him for who he is. My kids don't know that their mom has a fake boob. Well, actually Ethan does but I don't think he gets it. He's been in the bathroom with me when my boob is sitting on the back of the toilet before I get into the shower. He seems to accept my answer of "that's mommy's boob". And proceeds to pee and move on with his four year old life. My kids unconditionally love me. I am unconditionally loved by many people in my life. And I am happy. But I also have a new reality and that is I am a survivor of breast cancer for 4 years (and counting).
Courage is Fear that has said it's prayers.
Oh, yes. Yes it is.
A day that would change my life forever.
Eight months pregnant, waddling, feet-swollen-me stepped into a surgeon's office to get a core biopsy of my breast to determine whether or not the huge lump I was feeling was, in fact, breast cancer. Three hours later my worst fears were confirmed. Three hours after that I was driving to the hospital clutching my pillow and praying fervently for the baby that I was about to deliver by induction. Well, the word "about" is used loosely here. Ethan wasn't born until 2:22am on May 20, 2007.
The ups and downs that a new mom feels after delivering a baby was nothing compared to the rollercoaster of emotions that I would feel over the next several months.
One minute I would be perfectly content looking into the eyes of my baby and the next moment I would be sobbing with the thought running through my head: "what if I'm not here for him?". "What if the cancer has spread?".
I will never forget feeling so strong and actually cracking jokes as I was getting ready to have my mastectomy. And then the nurse who was trying to get my IV started blew a vein in my hand and I lost it. Literally. Sobbing. Tears streaming down my face. My husband and my dad didn't know what to do or what to say. Something so small in the grand scheme of things set me off. But isn't that how it always is?
We can sometimes brace ourselves for the big disappointments and hurts in life and then something seemingly so small will set us off and the floodgates open and a years worth of sadness is finally released and freed.
I felt sorry for myself at times and at other times I felt as if I was a messenger of hope and faith to those who had none left. I felt like the world's worst mother at times when I wasn't physically strong enough to hold my baby from the chemo effects and at other times I felt as if I could conquer the world. I questioned God's fairness and purpose for allowing me to experience something so dreadful and other times I praised Him for opening my eyes to what it truly meant to have faith and to blindly trust. I feared and worried for my future with my family and at other times an overwhelming peace raced through my body.
Somehow and for some reason I made it through to the other end of this cancer thing successfully. Scratch that. By God's miracle and grace the 7 X 9 centimeter tumor had not spread to the lymph nodes and the doctor's believed that through a rigorous treatment regiment of chemotherapy and radiation they could knock this thing out of my body. Am I out of the woods entirely? Of course not. There is always the chance that this ugly thing could recur. I go to my oncologist every four months for blood draws/tumor markers, every year for chest X-rays and mammograms and when they feel that it's necessary I go for a PET scan, which is the dreaded test for claustrophobic- me. :-)
May 18, 2011
Some days I forget that I am a cancer survivor.
Some days I feel pretty normal.
But I'm going to be candid here and say some things that are pretty open about my body and the physical changes I've gone through. Because of the urgency to get Ethan delivered, me into surgery and treatment and have some sort of "maternity leave" with my son I was unable to have reconstructive surgery. So yes, I only have one boob. I have a prosthetic breast that fits into special bras. So do I get to go into Victoria's Secret and pick out some cute little bras when I go shopping? Nope. I even have to be careful of what types of tops I purchase because if I bend over too much you can tell I have no cleavage. I know that I'm getting into some private territory here, but if I can help people understand the huge impact that this has on women then I have accomplished something. I also have no desire to be around anyone but family in a swimsuit. Do they make swimsuits for women who have had a mastectomy? Sure. But does that make me feel more comfortable? No. Depending on the type and style, you can still see my scar through the under arm area. Plus I still have about 30 pounds to lose that I haven't got rid of in 4 years after two pregnancies and chemo treatments. Sigh. :-)
I also think it's important to get real and talk about what makes a woman feel like a woman.
What distinguishes us from men? Basically our boobs and our hair, right? Yes, I know there are other things, but let's just go with the PG version, ok? Thanks. So what happens to a woman going through breast cancer and chemotherapy? You lose a boob (or possibly both) and your hair. Hmmm... Wonder why we don't feel as confident? As pretty? Yes, there are wigs, bandanas, hats. Yes, there is reconstructive surgery. But let's face it. We're losing something that has been a part of us our WHOLE life. It's just not easy. And for those wondering, yes I would love to get reconstructive surgery. And if anyone can figure out how I would schedule that into my life ...please let me know! :-) It is at least a 4-6 week recovery process. I work full time and I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old. I don't think that they would "get" leaving mommy alone and my inability to pick them up for that long. So, yes it's something I would absolutely love to do one day for myself but right now I guess I just can't figure out how it would work.
I know that some of my comments are straight-forward and blunt, but I think it's important to understand that this is something that you just don't go through for a little while and then move on from. I truly am happy in my life and I have a wonderful husband and two awesome kids. But I am reminded that I am a breast cancer survivor every day of my life from my scars and body changes. I can't walk around the house without a bra on because I feel unbalanced and my back begins to hurt. And because I'm not an A cup, you can TELL I have no bra on. So I don't take the chance that no one is going to unexpectedly knock on my door on a Saturday morning. I'm prepared. :-)
Even with all of the above reminders, I can honestly say that I have come through this a true survivor and my faith is stronger because of our trials. My God showed me that He is bigger than anything our enemy tries to shove our way. I have a loving husband that cares nothing about the changes that have been made to my body and he continues to love me for who I am and I love him for who he is. My kids don't know that their mom has a fake boob. Well, actually Ethan does but I don't think he gets it. He's been in the bathroom with me when my boob is sitting on the back of the toilet before I get into the shower. He seems to accept my answer of "that's mommy's boob". And proceeds to pee and move on with his four year old life. My kids unconditionally love me. I am unconditionally loved by many people in my life. And I am happy. But I also have a new reality and that is I am a survivor of breast cancer for 4 years (and counting).
Courage is Fear that has said it's prayers.
Oh, yes. Yes it is.
Monday, May 16, 2011
A Big Week
Today it hit me that this week is pretty darn big for my family.
On Wednesday I will remember that 4 years ago on May 18th I was given the worst news of my life. But I will also celebrate being a survivor of breast cancer for 4 years.
On Thursday I will have a ten month old baby girl that miraculously came into this world after being given that horrible news.
On Friday I will help my incredible son celebrate his 4th birthday! And I will thank him (not literally because he won't be able to comprehend it until he's much older) once again for saving my life so that I could be a mommy to him and his sister.
On Saturday Ethan will have his first KID party. Yep, I caved in. We're going to have a small kids party at his favorite restaurant: Tyler's Tender in Schererville where he can ride trains and play games with his little friends until he falls over from exhaustion!
So, yeah it's going to be a pretty big week 'round the Shepard household. And I think that each of these milestones deserves a post on it's own so stay tuned!
On Wednesday I will remember that 4 years ago on May 18th I was given the worst news of my life. But I will also celebrate being a survivor of breast cancer for 4 years.
On Thursday I will have a ten month old baby girl that miraculously came into this world after being given that horrible news.
On Friday I will help my incredible son celebrate his 4th birthday! And I will thank him (not literally because he won't be able to comprehend it until he's much older) once again for saving my life so that I could be a mommy to him and his sister.
On Saturday Ethan will have his first KID party. Yep, I caved in. We're going to have a small kids party at his favorite restaurant: Tyler's Tender in Schererville where he can ride trains and play games with his little friends until he falls over from exhaustion!
So, yeah it's going to be a pretty big week 'round the Shepard household. And I think that each of these milestones deserves a post on it's own so stay tuned!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Every Single Year
Every single year around this time, all Chicagoans ask themselves WHY. Why do we live here in this state of uncontrollable and unpredictable weather. Why do we continually subject ourselves to pulling out our flip flops and capris on the first bright and sunny day, only to curse ourselves and drag our butts back to the closet to pull on our warmest sweatshirt and gym shoes? Sometimes in the very same day. Like today. I left the house this morning with short sleeves on and my cute little black shoes with no socks. And now I am looking out my office window at the horrendous looking black clouds making their way over our office building.
We have had our air conditioning on since Tuesday because unlike some of my friends who are stubborn and have some weird unwritten rule that "we will not turn the air on before June 1st", I do not want to wake up in a pool of sweat when it is 80 or 90 degrees outside. But that's just me. Why would I not turn on the air and sleep comfortably when it is an option to just push a button and AHHHHHH...comfort. But now I have a feeling that I will be pushing the other button that says "heat" tonight. And that pretty much sucks.
But EVERY single year I, as pretty much every other Chicagoan does, will complain a good long time about the weather in our part of the country. Could we move? It is probably a possibility for some people if you had family elsewhere or a new job or your job re-located you or maybe when our kids are off in college and we are empty-nesters we will consider moving to a warmer, more predictable climate.
Although when I imagine living anywhere else I am always reminded once again that I do love the changing seasons here. I love the anticipation of changing seasons. I absolutely love getting to the end of summer when the leaves are turning to beautiful autumn colors and I know a trip to the pumpkin patch is just around the corner. I love the first fresh snow fall that covers the ground like frosting. I love to hear the sounds of the birds chirping for the first time in the springtime and to see the flowers and trees blooming after their long hard summer. And I love knowing that watching my kids splash around in Grammy's pool is just a few weeks away as the spring days turn to summer.
But first, I must complain about the weather and question why I live in Chicago. Because I am a native born Chicagoan and that's just the way we roll.
We have had our air conditioning on since Tuesday because unlike some of my friends who are stubborn and have some weird unwritten rule that "we will not turn the air on before June 1st", I do not want to wake up in a pool of sweat when it is 80 or 90 degrees outside. But that's just me. Why would I not turn on the air and sleep comfortably when it is an option to just push a button and AHHHHHH...comfort. But now I have a feeling that I will be pushing the other button that says "heat" tonight. And that pretty much sucks.
But EVERY single year I, as pretty much every other Chicagoan does, will complain a good long time about the weather in our part of the country. Could we move? It is probably a possibility for some people if you had family elsewhere or a new job or your job re-located you or maybe when our kids are off in college and we are empty-nesters we will consider moving to a warmer, more predictable climate.
Although when I imagine living anywhere else I am always reminded once again that I do love the changing seasons here. I love the anticipation of changing seasons. I absolutely love getting to the end of summer when the leaves are turning to beautiful autumn colors and I know a trip to the pumpkin patch is just around the corner. I love the first fresh snow fall that covers the ground like frosting. I love to hear the sounds of the birds chirping for the first time in the springtime and to see the flowers and trees blooming after their long hard summer. And I love knowing that watching my kids splash around in Grammy's pool is just a few weeks away as the spring days turn to summer.
But first, I must complain about the weather and question why I live in Chicago. Because I am a native born Chicagoan and that's just the way we roll.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Life Without Google?
Imagine if you can, life without the search engine, Google. I seriously can't. I don't realize at times how much I pull up my internet browser page and go straight to google. Lately these are the things that I googled:
potty training regression
potty training regression in 3 year olds
potty training regression in 4 year olds
baby teething
teething pains
baltic amber necklaces
whirlyball
bolingbrook restaurants
google directions/maps
weather
toddler birthday parties
inexpensive kids birthday parties
rob bell's book love wins
adele
What would I do without google or the net? I have no idea. I have found comfort in the fact that I am not the only parent out there who is obsessed with my almost 4 year old's potty training regression. I am dealing with poopy underwear on an almost daily basis and it's driving me insane. However, I can hop on to google and all of a sudden I am surrounded by other parents going through the same exact thing. Thank goodness. Reese is teething so badly (I think she is now getting in 3 more teeth simultaneously and already has 3 teeth) and I have been going crazy for my little girl trying to find some relief. Thank goodness my friend Julia has had similar problems with her twin girls and through her blog I learned about baltic amber necklaces that are a natural healing tool specifically for teething pains. I have ordered one and hopefully it will get here sometime this week.
I am grateful for google. How about you?
potty training regression
potty training regression in 3 year olds
potty training regression in 4 year olds
baby teething
teething pains
baltic amber necklaces
whirlyball
bolingbrook restaurants
google directions/maps
weather
toddler birthday parties
inexpensive kids birthday parties
rob bell's book love wins
adele
What would I do without google or the net? I have no idea. I have found comfort in the fact that I am not the only parent out there who is obsessed with my almost 4 year old's potty training regression. I am dealing with poopy underwear on an almost daily basis and it's driving me insane. However, I can hop on to google and all of a sudden I am surrounded by other parents going through the same exact thing. Thank goodness. Reese is teething so badly (I think she is now getting in 3 more teeth simultaneously and already has 3 teeth) and I have been going crazy for my little girl trying to find some relief. Thank goodness my friend Julia has had similar problems with her twin girls and through her blog I learned about baltic amber necklaces that are a natural healing tool specifically for teething pains. I have ordered one and hopefully it will get here sometime this week.
I am grateful for google. How about you?
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