Burden, Baggage and Responsibility

As a social worker and a Christian, I often confuse helping and assisting someone with trying to fix their lives.

The message at church yesterday hit home with me as it did several of my friends.  We realized that we are taking on more burdens and baggage than we should be.  Overextending ourselves to the point of just being plain burned out. 

God wants us to be there for others.  He wants us to support others with their burdens.  He wants us to assist those that need assistance.  But there has to be limits.  We can't take on too much, otherwise we have nothing left to give. 

It's not easy to say no.  It's not easy to say that you're too busy.  I'm in the "helping profession" because God gave me the skills and talents to empathize, listen and care for others.  So when someone asks me for help I usually say yes.  When someone asks me to plan an event, I usually say yes.  But yes isn't always the right answer.

I don't like feeling burned out.  I've been there many times in my life and usually my body lets me know when enough is enough.  I physically shut down by becoming ill or weak. 

It's all about balance. 

Just as you shouldn't take on more than you can handle, you also shouldn't just automatically say no to everything.  To be idle is not good.  To have faith without works is not good.

Our pastor gave the following example: If a friend called to ask for your help as they were stranded on the side of the road, you would go to help them.  They might ask you to take the kids home or to take them to school.  No problem.  But then they take it a step or several steps further...could you take them out to lunch?  Could you take them to soccer practice at 4pm? Could you fix them a home cooked meal and tuck them into bed?  And if they act up can you discipline them? Little Johnny is potty training and sometimes has accidents, can you clean up after him and make sure he gets clean underwear on?

At some point your offer to help has become something completely different.

Burden? Baggage? Responsibility?

Balance.  

What We Watch

I admit it, I'm kind of a TV junkie. 

I enjoy kicking back after the kids have gone to bed and watching a show or two before my eyes can no longer stay open and I give in to exhaustion. 

Jimm also likes to watch TV, however there are times when we can't quite agree on what to watch.  There are shows of mine that he "tolerates"; So you Think you can Dance and Project Runway.  Actually he doesn't really tolerate them, he just sits and works while I watch them.  And there are shows of his that I roll my eyes at such as "American Pickers" and "Pawn Shop". 

I have to say, I'm not exactly sure why I like Project Runway.  I'm not a fashionista by any stretch of the imagination.  I used to be more trendy before I became a mom, but I was never one for designer labels and much prefer the likes of Kohl's and Target.  I also do not sew at all; in fact I have extreme difficulty trying to get a button sewn back on to a pair of pants and most of the time will just pitch them and go buy a new pair due to frustration.  But I love watching this show.  I guess it might be the challenge of trying to figure out if the judges are going to find something innovative and creative or if they hate it.  I also love their comments.  And to be quite honest I just get a kick out of the contestants! They're hilarious.

I do know why I like So you Think you can Dance.  Because, quite frankly, it's the BEST show of it's kind out there.  I can't really dance, although I used to enjoy going out to the dance clubs in my younger, single days :-) And I have no idea what the judges are talking about when they discuss the technical stuff the dancers are doing.  I just know that when I hear the story behind the dance and choreography and the music backs up the intention of the choreographer and the actual dancers fly across the stage as if they are weightless it...well, it moves me.  I've written about my love for music and the fact that I've been a musician/singer since I was just a little girl, so I guess the connection of dance, music, creativity and the arts combined in this show just make me want to tune in every week. 

And then I sit and watch a waste-of-my time-and-life show like America's Got Talent.  It's- first of all- a joke of a title: The people that they put through on this show do not have talent and it's all about ratings and putting people through just to make a complete #@$ out of themselves.  But I still watch it because for some reason I thought that maybe, just maybe, this season they would come across someone with some real talent.  And, don't get me wrong, there are some talented people that DO make it on this show....it's just not the norm. 

As for other quality shows :-):  We have just starting watching Glee and I am happy to say that I'm enjoying it thus far.  5 episodes in and I'm becoming a Gleek!

We are enjoying watching the last few episodes of Entourage.  This is not a show for the faint of heart and also for those that can't handle foul language and crude jokes.  But Jeremy Piven has been a favorite actor of mine for quite some time and this is a role that he has mastered as Ari Gold. 

I can't wait to see the next season of Modern Family and catch up on 30 Rock (we still need to watch this last season).  I miss Arrested Development, Scrubs and Friday Night Lights.  I'm not sure how The Office will pan out without it's star this next season...but I will still watch it.  Parks and Rec has turned out to be absolutely hilarious the past couple of seasons!

We are also still big fans of the Amazing Race and Survivor. And CSI.  Those just never get old...

I think my love for TV is to escape reality.  I like watching other people, real or not, go on with their lives, conquer fears and make stupid mistakes from the comfort of my couch.  Sometimes it makes me think deeply about something and other times I just laugh at the practical joke Jim played on Dwight.  Regardless, it's an outlet for me.  I absolutely love to read as well, so no..I'm not inundating my kids with TV and we do read to them pretty much every day.  I go through books like water.  I am currently reading one of James Patterson's latest....which I almost put down because it has to do with a serial killer who's targeting mothers and babies.  Not exactly what I want to read late at night before bed.  Sigh. 

Anywho.....What do YOU watch and why?  Any good shows that have you hooked?  Even ones that are no longer on?  We watched 30 Rock, Arrested Development and now Glee on Netflix Streaming.....so we are always looking for other possibilities!

Me, the Broken Record.....

I know that I often mix politics, religion and social work on my blog.  And to many of you I probably sound like a broken record.  But after hearing what President Obama and Mr. Boehner had to say last night I can't help but wonder, once again, why so many Christians are Repulicans.  I just don't get it.  I don't get the entitlement mentality at all.  It goes against every fiber of who Jesus is.  I just don't see Jesus saying to anyone: "Now, I worked for my money so therefore I am entitled to all of it and all tax deductions/ breaks and I think we should cut all spending on those wacky government programs such as Medicare that helps pay for your grandmother's nursing home care and no way should I have to pay more taxes just because I make $500,000 per year".

Come on people.  Jesus was all about helping the less fortunate.  He walked miles out of his way to lend a helping hand and speak a kind word to a prostitute.  He was the one who would hug someone with leprosy when no one else would acknowledge their existence.

I can pretty confidently say that I think Jesus would be all for the wealthy paying higher taxes.  If you are that blessed, that fortunate ....why can't you think out of the box, get out of your little comfort zone and help your country out for once?!?!?!?  How about you wealthy politicians, the ones who WORK FOR US- the American people- take a pay cut.  How about no raises (like most of us have had to do for the past several years!) and having to actually drive your own car instead of being escorted around town in a limo or jetting across the world to have your fancy vacations that cost more than my yearly salary?

What is wrong with our country? Seriously.  Why are we paying actors and actresses millions of dollars per movie deal when the family across the street is being foreclosed on?  SIGH.  Why does the NFL go on "lockout" to ask for more money....meaning millions of dollars of money.....to play football once a week for a few months out of the year?  And before you start debating with me about how hard actors work or what a rigorous schedule pro atheletes have, ask yourself is it really worth the $4.1 million contract they have?  Really?  I've worked since I was 16 years old and chose a career that I absolutely love....but I will most likely never even come close to getting a three figure salary. 

So anyway......  I once again am found wondering how it is that so many of my fellow Christians align themselves with the Republican party.  And please don't email me or comment about all things pro-life, pro-dealth penalty, anti-gay......because if you've been reading my blog at all you know where I stand on those issues.  It's just thoughts.....my thoughts and my opinion.

I posted this as my status and I'll leave you with this:

"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus is just as selfish as we are or we’ve got to acknowledge that he commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition. And then admit that we just don’t want to do it.”– Stephen Colbert

Age or Stage?

Lately people in my life keep reminding me of how old I am.

My husband keeps teasing me about my 40th birthday, which mind you, will not take place until the year 2013.  And oh, it will be a celebration because I do like parties!  And in case you don't know Jimm is 3 years younger than me, so he feels entitled to make fun.

My dad keeps bringing up the fact that I will be 40 in a couple of years.  And in turn I just casually remind him that in turn this also means he's OLD enough to have a 40 year old daughter. :-)

But mainly I have been reminded of my age by my close friends.  Not rudely (well, sometimes it's rude), just for fun.  Because in the majority of the social circles that I am now spending time in, I am one of the oldest if not the oldest most of the time. 

And it got me thinking....why is this?  Do you hang out with people who are the same age as you or at the same STAGE (of life) as you?

I think it's stage.  At least 98% of the time. 

I am mainly hanging around friends who have the same age kids as we do.  Or they are starting families.  Or they have older kids, but are still younger than me (and that's always weird for me to wrap my brain around...).  Or we go to church together and have connected through small groups.

Don't get me wrong.  I still have friends who are my exact age and I also have friends who are single, married with no children or who are older than me. 

But the good majority of my friends are a few years younger than me and are in the same stage  of life.  We relate well to one another and our cute kid stories.  We enjoy a good girls night out tasting wine, or we enjoy group date nights without the kids.  Most of all we like to laugh together, make fun of one another lovingly and encourage and support one another through difficult times.  We struggle with balancing all of our responsibilities, jobs, relationships and roles.  We give advice to one another when someone is down or stressed out about planning an event.  We still giggle over stupid sexual innuendos and jokes that were funny back in junior high and help play jokes on our unsuspecting friends.  We check in with each other when we know times are tough and plan social events months in advance.  We make up words and secret codes like we're 13 and a "sisterhood of the traveling pants".  We have careers that demand a certain level of professionalism and intelligence yet when we gather socially we revert to laughing at farting sounds.  We can pray, look up Bible verses and debate on political issues and then when it's getting too serious go saran wrap the toilet seat.  Ahhhh.....friends.

Another positive outcome to having friends in the same stage is that many times your children become friends.  What better way to ensure that your friendships will last a long time than having strong bonds begin to develop between the mini's?

Age doesn't always matter.  I always imagined I would end up marrying someone older than me.  I always imagined my friends would be the same age as me.  

But it's really about the stage, isn't it?  And that doesn't necessarily mean kids.  It just means where you are in life.

Dear Reese

Today, my beautiful little girl, you officially celebrate your first birthday.

And even though you woke up crying at 3:30am, waking your parents out of their blissful sleep, wouldn't go back in your crib, screamed for your mommy when she left you with daddy to relieve my bladder, left your mommy with sore shoulders and neck, woke up at 5am talking like there was no tomorrow, were crabby as can be for 3 hours this morning before your nap and then spit up on the carpet........

I love you with all my heart.

I love your toothy-wrinkly-nose grin.

I adore the way that you bob your head to music and attempt to sing along with your cute baby babble.

I love how you follow your big brother around adoringly.

I love your "happy dance" in which you shuffle your feet and legs on the carpet at a fast pace on a moment's notice.

I love how you get so excited when you get to spend time with both sets of your grandparents.

I love how you splash in the bathtub.

I love your curiosity.

I love playing "I'm gonna getcha" with you.....how you run away fast to avoid being tickled.

I love that you are beginning to understand simple requests from mommy and daddy.

I love that you have switched to regular milk with the same ease that your brother did.

I love that you take two naps a day and are on a regular schedule (unlike your older brother....ahem).

I love that you adjust fairly quickly to babysitters (Hannah Banana!) and the nursery at church.

I love your independent and stubborn personality (reminds me of someone......hmmmm.).

I love your giggles and hearty-devilish laugh.

I love that you were my second miracle child that God blessed me with.

My promise to you is that I will never take for granted the awesome privilege it is to be your parent.  I will love you unconditionally but realistically.  I will try to remember to be your parent as you get older and not just your friend.  I will give advice but try to let you make your own decisions.  I will pray for you and your brother that you will be happy with your choices in life and that your mommy will learn to accept those decisions even if they weren't what I expected.

I love you my gorgeous blue eyed, blonde haired, full-of-personality girl.  I am one proud mama.

"Objects in Mirror are Closer Than They Appear"

Sometimes we get too comfortable.  Life is chugging right along.  We go through the daily routines. 

And then seemingly out of nowhere our lives are slammed by a force that we just didn't see coming.  Our blinders were on and the force slipped in through our "blindspot".  That object was there, it was just much closer than it initially appeared.  We thought it was a mile back, but it was actually right next to us...waiting.

As someone who was raised in the Christian faith, I am well aware that there are spiritual forces at work in our lives on a daily basis.  It's just that if things are going well in my life I get lax in remembering to bind that dark and evil force that likes to hit when we're walking around with a smile on our face acting like we're invincible and infallible.

It's a how a practical joke works best: You wait until someone is unprepared and relaxed and then you hit 'em from behind with a huge picture of ice water over the top of their head.  Everyone else laughs at your expense while you sit there shivering cold, drenched, embarrassed, alone, adrenaline pumping.  After a few minutes you may be able to calm down enough to catch your breath and laugh with the rest of your friends about how stupid you were to have let yourself relax that much around a bunch of punks. 

But sometimes we can't recover.  When that evil force hits us so hard and so unexpectedly we just can't deal.

We allow ourselves to sit in the evil and let it fester.  We toy around with the idea of the evil and convince ourselves that it's right.  It's good.  It's "meant to be".  We know that if it were happening to someone else, we would look at them and know that they were allowing evil in.  But the blinders are on and the wall is up.

And Satan is having fun.  He loves watching the domino effect take place within our lives.  He loves watching how many people he can throw into a turmoil of doubt, confusion, judgement and pain.  He loves watching us humans make mistakes.  And then when you're down he becomes full of pride as he keeps throwing temptation grenades all around us.  They're hard to avoid and we can't always move around them fast enough.

But his mistake is that he keeps forgetting we have HIM on our side.  As he tries to destroy us, HE is nudging us.  HE is whispering in our ears as the blasts go off nearby.  HE is sending private army's full of HIS people who are stronger than anything Satan can fathom.  HE has an endless supply of weapons that are being handed out as this post is being written. 

You want a battle little guy?  You got it.  It's been awhile, but I'm up for it.  As are many others.

And so it begins.

Writer's Block Randomness

I have started and stopped writing 5 different posts over the past week.

And I was on a roll with this random one when I hit something on the keyboard that wiped out everything I just typed.

Maybe I should take the hint and just not write anything for awhile?

I don't know.....  I was just going to jot down some random thoughts and happenings since I can't seem to get a clear picture as to what I'm supposed to post next.

This past weekend mother's intuition really kicked in for me.  We had our days all planned out with various social activities and I was really looking forward to spending some time with good friends.  Saturday afternoon rolled around and we were at the countdown of about 4 hours until we left our house for the aforementioned social plans when Ethan looked at me, crawled into my lap and said "Mama, I need you".  I felt his forehead and he was burning up.  Took his temp, promptly told Jimm we weren't going anywhere and laid my little boy on the couch with a blanket.  Was I disappointed? Greatly.  Did I consider asking Jimm if I could go by myself and leave him there with the kids? Oh, yes.  He actually sort of offered.  But my little boy needed me and once again, mothering took top priority in my life.  (the fever was luckily a 24 hour thing and we were able to have some fun on Monday!).

I tackled downtown Chicago during the Taste with two kids in tow and actually not only made it out alive, but also managed to have some fun at the same time!  Thankfully I wasn't alone and we had man to man coverage with four kids and four adults!

I'm having a sort of job identity crisis.  This was actually one of my started and stopped posts.  It's kind of hard to explain for those that don't work in the adoption field, so I've got to figure out how to post on something like that. 

I now have an iPhone 4.  Not sure what I did without a smart phone.  Or any type of cell phone.  I felt myself going into panic mode when Jimm told me that I would be without my phone for a few hours when he went to get the new phone during my work day. 

And then I remembered my first cell phone.  One of those big clunkers with the huge battery.  And the antenna.  Heehee.

I remembered how much I like fireworks.  And I loved seeing them through Ethan's eyes.  Reese somehow slept through them.  And I'm not just talking about in her bed at home with the doors closed. I'm talking about when we walked down the street and she was sleeping in her stroller through the loud outside booms with the official fire department display and random neighbor illegal displays.  Yep, slept through it all.

And then I remembered that I don't much like fireworks that continue to go off randomly through the night well past 11:30pm.

I discovered that spray sunblock may look convenient but it doesn't really work that well.  Ooops.

I renewed my love for summer time food: grilled corn on the cob and watermelon.

My trust in the judicial system was once again questioned by a certain verdict that was announced yesterday.

However, I also realize that we do leave huge, life-changing decisions up to 12 random people who may be overwhelmed by big words such as reasonable doubt.

I love Reese's toothy, scrunched- up- nose grin.

Ethan's energy exhausts and thrills me all at the same time.

I love my husband's desire for our home to be clutter-free and his willingness to work tirelessly to get it that way.

I had some really good Oreo cake balls this 4th of July and am looking forward to some red velvet ones this next weekend.

I despise and am freaked out by clowns.

That is all.  Random enough?