This past weekend New York made headlines when it passed a state law legalizing gay marriage. In Chicago, the gay pride parade took place as it has for the past 40+ years. Facebook lit up with comments both in favor and totally against New York's decision.
In the past few months I have entered into numerous conversations with friends, colleagues, family and acquaintances about the subject of gay marriage/civil union. I was not always the one to bring it up. Sometimes a comment was made by the other party assuming that I felt the same way they did only to get an earful (nothing hostile mind you) from me pointing out another side.
I have been a social worker working in the field of child welfare/adoption for the past 15 years. Historically most of the agencies that I worked for were "faith based" and therefore I was never confronted with the issue of working with gay couples who wanted to adopt. However, the last job that I held and my current job are both non-faith-based organizations. My current agency is opening up their services to serve gay couples after years of not necessarily denying services but always just serving married heterosexual couples. When I was interviewed to work at my current agency I was informed of the direction that the agency was going and was asked if I was comfortable with this. My answer was an absolute yes.
You see, over the past 15 years my perspective has evolved due to my experiences.
At my first social service job I worked with several gay individuals. In fact, one of the men I worked with became a crush of mine until I found out he was gay. :-) Well, I don't know if the crush actually ended....I think I just knew it would --obviously--never pan out. But I came to become really good friends with these men. And their partners. They lived real lives, with real partnerships, shared homes with their partners, laughed with them, discussed starting a family together, entertained together, hugged one another, kissed one another, smiled at one another.....just the same as my heterosexual friends.
I have friends from high school that are gay, I know of a few individuals that I went to church with who are bi-sexual or gay, I have counseled gay-headed families who have adopted, I have counseled gay teenagers who are just wanting to be accepted and loved.
You see, my opinions that I have are based on experiences that I have had and currently have with real people. *Not saying that those who have also had personal experiences can't have a different opinion*.
Now that I am a mommy I have found myself wondering what would happen or how I would react if, in 15 years, one of my kids sits down with me and tells me that they are gay. I would hope that my reaction would be one of support, encouragement, unconditional love and comfort.
And then my mind wanders to how would I feel if my son or daughter was in a committed relationship and they were unable to marry or have the rights that every other couple in the U.S. have because they were gay. It would enrage me, I'm pretty sure. Because I love my kids more than anything and you better believe that I'm going to fight for them until I am no longer physically or mentally able to.
So, with all of that said......I have no problem with New York legalizing gay marriage nor Illinois legalizing civil unions. And I feel that way because of the experiences that I have had with gay people.....who they are, what they want out of life, where they come from, and how they just want to be treated equally.
I believe that every citizen of our country should have the same rights as any other, regardless of race, sex or sexual preference. I have no problem with the legalization of Civil unions... My problem is with the legalization of gay MARRIAGE. Marriage is a religious ceremony that God established between a man and a woman to outwardly display what has already taken place in their hearts. God designed this between a man and a woman. Our society has chosen to take that Ceremony and make it a common practice whether or not you are a follower of the Christian faith. I struggle with the adoption issue. I think that same sex civil union couples could provide a safe home for kids. But God created man and women specifically to create babies, because both possess certain qualities needed. HE created us differently to complete each other and to have families using those differences to complete our families. He also meant for couples to stay married and with the norm of society changing so drastically... I want kids raised in loving homes where they are safe and feel loved, because that is sooo important. I too have family that took place in the Chicago celebration and got Civil Unioned. I love both my Uncle and his partner they are great guys and we spend holiday and treat them just like the rest of the family, because they are our family. Do not agree with their lifestyle, but love them all the same. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to think through this topic as I write.
ReplyDeleteI understand the viewpoints above. I'm going to let the Marriage/Civil Union debate just lie here and not comment, because I just think that most who feel this way aren't going to have their minds changed on either side of the debate. However, in regards to adoption: If God intended only for married heterosexual couples to raise children, what do we say for single women who have never married but are raising a child? What do we say about divorced couples (who are also Christians)? What about a child who has lost one or both parents and are raised by relatives or a relative? Most people nowadays have opposite sex role models that their children can look up to if they are in a same sex relationship or if they are single. Research shows that these children fare just as well (if not better in some situations) as children raised by heterosexual couples.
ReplyDeleteThis is what we see in regards to gay headed households who adopt: they are more open in regards to raising special needs children, the children who actually NEED a home because they have been abandoned, neglected or just placed for adoption because they are not "wanted" due to their special needs. These couples also tend to be more open in regards to having a relationship with the first parents (or birthparents/biological parents), which is a much healthier situation for the child. These families are more aware of the stigmas and stereotypes that their children may face with special needs because they, themselves, have had to face discrimination on a daily basis.
I think it's good to always hear someone else's opinion on these topics. You're right, it does afford us the opportunity to think things through....
I am not going to get angry if someone has a different opinion than me....I would just be doing what I am accusing them of doing...not reaching out to people out of love, compassion, and understanding...and instead responding in anger.
My final thought is just that whether being gay is a sin or not, I am not God and in the end He is the ultimate judge.
I just wanted to comment because I like thinking through a topic every once in awhile and I like that you provoked me into thought. I do except that many of us will have differences of opinions. I hope that you were not thinking that I was trying to be mean or judgemental because I too am not a the judge... God is. I can only go by His Word to lead me in my life and not judge those around me. Like I said before families are so diverse these days and I pray that the challenges they face both Christians and not do not negatively effect the children. I hope that most kids feel love and unconditional acceptance that will take them far in life. Different life circumstances make this harder for some, but I pray that each child feels this and is given a chance to be everything God has created them to be. Thanks for the insight Pam.
ReplyDeleteNo, never thought you were being mean or judgemental....just saying that I think a lot of people who disagree and claim to be Christians do wind up being judgemental and very harsh. Then I sometimes need to check myself in my response to them, because I'm being a hypocrite if I respond the same way. :-)
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